The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Merry Wives of Windsor, by William Shakespeare

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Executive Director's Notes:

In addition to the notes below,puppet theaters for easter basket and so you will *NOT* think allthe spelling errors introduced by the printers of the time havebeen corrected, here are the first few lines of Hamlet, as theyare presented herein:

  Barnardo. Who's there?
  Fran. Nay answer me: Stand & vnfold
your selfe

Bar. Long liue the King

* * * *

As I understand it, the printers often ran out of certain wordsor letters they had often packed into a "cliche". . .this is theoriginal meaning of the term cliche. . .and thus, being unwillingto unpack the cliches, and thus you will see some substitutionsthat look very odd. . .such as the exchanges of u for v, v for u,above. . .and you may wonder why they did it this way, presumingShakespeare did not actually write the play in this manner. . . .

The answer is that they MAY have packed "liue" into a cliche at atime when they were out of "v"'s. . .possibly having used "vv" inplace of some "w"'s, etc. This was a common practice of the day,as print was still quite expensive, and they didn't want to spendmore on a wider selection of characters than they had to.

You will find a lot of these kinds of "errors" in this text, as Ihave mentioned in other times and places, many "scholars" have anextreme attachment to these errors, and many have accorded them avery high place in the "canon" of Shakespeare. My father read anassortment of these made available to him by Cambridge Universityin England for several months in a glass room constructed for thepurpose. To the best of my knowledge he read ALL those available. . .in great detail. . .and determined from the various changes,that Shakespeare most likely did not write in nearly as many of avariety of errors we credit him for, even though he was in/famousfor signing his name with several different spellings.

So, please take this into account when reading the comments belowmade by our volunteer who prepared this file: you may see errorsthat are "not" errors. . . .

So. . .with this caveat. . .we have NOT changed the canon errors,here is the Project Gutenberg Etext of Shakespeare's The firstPart of Henry the Sixt.

Michael S. Hart
Project Gutenberg
Executive Director

* * * *

Scanner's Notes:

What this is and isn't. This was taken from a copy of
Shakespeare's first folio and it is as close as I can come in
ASCII to the printed text.

The elongated S's have been changed to small s's and theconjoined ae have been changed to ae. I have left the spelling,punctuation, capitalization as close as possible to the printedtext. I have corrected some spelling mistakes (I have puttogether a spelling dictionary devised from the spellings ofthe Geneva Bible and Shakespeare's First Folio and have unifiedspellings according to this template), typo's and expandedabbreviations as I have come across them. Everything withinbrackets [] is what I have added. So if you don't like that youcan delete everything within the brackets if you want a purerShakespeare.

Another thing that you should be aware of is that there aretextual differences between various copies of the first folio. Sothere may be differences (other than what I have mentioned above)between this and other first folio editions. This is due to theprinter's habit of setting the type and running off a number ofcopies and then proofing the printed copy and correcting the typeand then continuing the printing run. The proof run wasn't thrownaway but incorporated into the printed copies. This is just theway it is. The text I have used was a composite of more than 30different First Folio editions' best pages.

David Reed

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The Merry Wiues of Windsor

Actus primus, Scena prima.

Enter Iustice Shallow, Slender, Sir Hugh Euans, Master Page,
Falstoffe,
Bardolph, Nym, Pistoll, Anne Page, Mistresse Ford, Mistresse
Page, Simple.

  Shallow. Sir Hugh, perswade me not: I will make a StarChamber
matter of it, if hee were twenty Sir
Iohn Falstoffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow
Esquire

Slen. In the County of Glocester, Iustice of Peace and Coram

Shal. I (Cosen Slender) and Custalorum

   Slen. I, and Ratolorum too; and a Gentleman borne
(Master Parson) who writes himselfe Armigero, in any
Bill, Warrant, Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero

   Shal. I that I doe, and haue done any time these three
hundred yeeres

Slen. All his successors (gone before him) hath don't:and all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: theymay giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate

Shal. It is an olde Coate

Euans. The dozen white Lowses doe become an oldCoat well: it agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast toman, and signifies Loue

   Shal. The Luse is the fresh-fish, the salt-fish, is an old
Coate

Slen. I may quarter (Coz)

Shal. You may, by marrying

Euans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it

Shal. Not a whit

Euan. Yes per-lady: if he ha's a quarter of your coat,there is but three Skirts for your selfe, in my simple coniectures;but that is all one: if Sir Iohn Falstaffe hauecommitted disparagements vnto you, I am of the Churchand will be glad to do my beneuolence, to make attonementsand compremises betweene you

Shal. The Councell shall heare it, it is a Riot

Euan. It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot: thereis no feare of Got in a Riot: The Councell (looke you)shall desire to heare the feare of Got, and not to heare aRiot: take your vizaments in that

Shal. Ha; o'my life, if I were yong againe, the swordshould end it

Euans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and endit: and there is also another deuice in my praine, whichperaduenture prings goot discretions with it. There isAnne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page,which is pretty virginity

Slen. Mistris Anne Page? she has browne haire, andspeakes small like a woman

Euans. It is that ferry person for all the orld, as iust asyou will desire, and seuen hundred pounds of Moneyes,and Gold, and Siluer, is her Grand-sire vpon his deathsbed,(Got deliuer to a ioyfull resurrections) giue, whenshe is able to ouertake seuenteene yeeres old. It were agoot motion, if we leaue our pribbles and prabbles, anddesire a marriage betweene Master Abraham, and MistrisAnne Page

   Slen. Did her Grand-sire leaue her seauen hundred
pound?
  Euan. I, and her father is make her a petter penny

   Slen. I know the young Gentlewoman, she has good
gifts

   Euan. Seuen hundred pounds, and possibilities, is
goot gifts

Shal. Wel, let vs see honest Mr Page: is Falstaffe there? Euan. Shall I tell you a lye? I doe despise a lyer, as Idoe despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is nottrue: the Knight Sir Iohn is there, and I beseech you beruled by your well-willers: I will peat the doore for Mr.Page. What hoa? Got-plesse your house heere

Mr.Page. Who's there? Euan. Here is go't's plessing and your friend, and IusticeShallow, and heere yong Master Slender: that peraduenturesshall tell you another tale, if matters grow toyour likings

Mr.Page. I am glad to see your Worships well: Ithanke you for my Venison Master Shallow

Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much gooddoe it your good heart: I wish'd your Venison better, itwas ill killd: how doth good Mistresse Page? and I thankyou alwaies with my heart, la: with my heart

M.Page. Sir, I thanke you

Shal. Sir, I thanke you: by yea, and no I doe

M.Pa. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender

Slen. How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heardsay he was out-run on Cotsall

M.Pa. It could not be iudg'd, Sir

Slen. You'll not confesse: you'll not confesse

Shal. That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault:'tis a good dogge

M.Pa. A Cur, Sir

Shal. Sir: hee's a good dog, and a faire dog, can therebe more said? he is good, and faire. Is Sir Iohn Falstaffeheere? M.Pa. Sir, hee is within: and I would I could doe agood office betweene you

Euan. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake

   Shal. He hath wrong'd me (Master Page.)
  M.Pa. Sir, he doth in some sort confesse it

Shal. If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not thatso (M[aster]. Page?) he hath wrong'd me, indeed he hath, at aword he hath: beleeue me, Robert Shallow Esquire, saithhe is wronged

Ma.Pa. Here comes Sir Iohn

   Fal. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complaine of me to
the King?
  Shal. Knight, you haue beaten my men, kill'd my
deere, and broke open my Lodge

   Fal. But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter?
  Shal. Tut, a pin: this shall be answer'd

   Fal. I will answere it strait, I haue done all this:
That is now answer'd

Shal. The Councell shall know this

Fal. 'Twere better for you if it were known in councell:you'll be laugh'd at

Eu. Pauca verba; (Sir Iohn) good worts

Fal. Good worts? good Cabidge; Slender, I brokeyour head: what matter haue you against me? Slen. Marry sir, I haue matter in my head against you,and against your cony-catching Rascalls, Bardolf, Nym,and Pistoll

Bar. You Banbery Cheese

Slen. I, it is no matter

   Pist. How now, Mephostophilus?
  Slen. I, it is no matter

Nym. Slice, I say; pauca, pauca: Slice, that's my humor

Slen. Where's Simple my man? can you tell, Cosen? Eua. Peace, I pray you: now let vs vnderstand: thereis three Vmpires in this matter, as I vnderstand; that is,Master Page (fidelicet Master Page,) & there is my selfe,(fidelicet my selfe) and the three party is (lastly, and finally)mine Host of the Garter

Ma.Pa. We three to hear it, & end it between them

Euan. Ferry goo't, I will make a priefe of it in mynote-booke, and we wil afterwards orke vpon the cause,with as great discreetly as we can

Fal. Pistoll

Pist. He heares with eares

Euan. The Teuill and his Tam: what phrase is this?he heares with eare? why, it is affectations

Fal. Pistoll, did you picke M[aster]. Slenders purse? Slen. I, by these gloues did hee, or I would I mightneuer come in mine owne great chamber againe else, ofseauen groates in mill-sixpences, and two Edward Shouelboords,that cost me two shilling and two pence apeece of Yead Miller: by these gloues

   Fal. Is this true, Pistoll?
  Euan. No, it is false, if it is a picke-purse

Pist. Ha, thou mountaine Forreyner: Sir Iohn, andMaster mine, I combat challenge of this Latine Bilboe:word of deniall in thy labras here; word of denial; froth,and scum thou liest

Slen. By these gloues, then 'twas he

Nym. Be auis'd sir, and passe good humours: I willsay marry trap with you, if you runne the nut-hooks humoron me, that is the very note of it

Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: forthough I cannot remember what I did when you mademe drunke, yet I am not altogether an asse

   Fal. What say you Scarlet, and Iohn?
  Bar. Why sir, (for my part) I say the Gentleman had
drunke himselfe out of his fiue sentences

Eu. It is his fiue sences: fie, what the ignorance is

Bar. And being fap, sir, was (as they say) casheerd: andso conclusions past the Careires

Slen. I, you spake in Latten then to: but 'tis no matter;Ile nere be drunk whilst I liue againe, but in honest,ciuill, godly company for this tricke: if I be drunke, Ilebe drunke with those that haue the feare of God, and notwith drunken knaues

Euan. So got-udge me, that is a vertuous minde

   Fal. You heare all these matters deni'd, Gentlemen;
you heare it

   Mr.Page. Nay daughter, carry the wine in, wee'll
drinke within

Slen. Oh heauen: This is Mistresse Anne Page

   Mr.Page. How now Mistris Ford?
  Fal. Mistris Ford, by my troth you are very wel met:
by your leaue good Mistris

Mr.Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come,we haue a hot Venison pasty to dinner; Come gentlemen,I hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse

Slen. I had rather then forty shillings I had my bookeof Songs and Sonnets heere: How now Simple, wherehaue you beene? I must wait on my selfe, must I? youhaue not the booke of Riddles about you, haue you? Sim. Booke of Riddles? why did you not lend it toAlice Short-cake vpon Alhallowmas last, a fortnight aforeMichaelmas

Shal. Come Coz, come Coz, we stay for you: a wordwith you Coz: marry this, Coz: there is as 'twere a tender,a kinde of tender, made a farre-off by Sir Hugh here:doe you vnderstand me? Slen. I Sir, you shall finde me reasonable; if it be so,I shall doe that that is reason

Shal. Nay, but vnderstand me

Slen. So I doe Sir

Euan. Giue eare to his motions; (Mr. Slender) I willdescription the matter to you, if you be capacity of it

Slen. Nay, I will doe as my Cozen Shallow saies: Ipray you pardon me, he's a Iustice of Peace in his Countrie,simple though I stand here

Euan. But that is not the question: the question isconcerning your marriage

Shal. I, there's the point Sir

Eu. Marry is it: the very point of it, to Mi[stris]. An Page

Slen. Why if it be so; I will marry her vpon any reasonabledemands

Eu. But can you affection the 'oman, let vs commandto know that of your mouth, or of your lips: for diuersPhilosophers hold, that the lips is parcell of the mouth:therfore precisely, ca[n] you carry your good wil to y maid? Sh. Cosen Abraham Slender, can you loue her? Slen. I hope sir, I will do as it shall become one thatwould doe reason

   Eu. Nay, got's Lords, and his Ladies, you must speake
possitable, if you can carry-her your desires towards her

   Shal. That you must:
Will you, (vpon good dowry) marry her?
  Slen. I will doe a greater thing then that, vpon your
request (Cosen) in any reason

Shal. Nay conceiue me, conceiue mee, (sweet Coz):What I doe is to pleasure you (Coz:) can you loue themaid? Slen. I will marry her (Sir) at your request; but ifthere bee no great loue in the beginning, yet Heauenmay decrease it vpon better acquaintance, when weeare married, and haue more occasion to know one another:I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content:but if you say mary-her, I will mary-her, that I am freelydissolued, and dissolutely

Eu. It is a fery discretion-answere; saue the fall is inthe 'ord, dissolutely: the ort is (according to our meaning)resolutely: his meaning is good

Sh. I: I thinke my Cosen meant well

   Sl. I, or else I would I might be hang'd (la.)
  Sh. Here comes faire Mistris Anne; would I were
yong for your sake, Mistris Anne

   An. The dinner is on the Table, my Father desires
your worships company

   Sh. I will wait on him, (faire Mistris Anne.)
  Eu. Od's plessed-wil: I wil not be abse[n]ce at the grace

   An. Wil't please your worship to come in, Sir?
  Sl. No, I thank you forsooth, hartely; I am very well

An. The dinner attends you, Sir

   Sl. I am not a-hungry, I thanke you, forsooth: goe,
Sirha, for all you are my man, goe wait vpon my Cosen
Shallow: a Iustice of peace sometime may be beholding
to his friend, for a Man; I keepe but three Men, and a
Boy yet, till my Mother be dead: but what though, yet
I liue like a poore Gentleman borne

   An. I may not goe in without your worship: they
will not sit till you come

   Sl. I' faith, ile eate nothing: I thanke you as much as
though I did

An. I pray you Sir walke in

Sl. I had rather walke here (I thanke you) I bruiz'dmy shin th' other day, with playing at Sword and Daggerwith a Master of Fence (three veneys for a dish ofstew'd Prunes) and by my troth, I cannot abide the smellof hot meate since. Why doe your dogs barke so? bethere Beares ith' Towne? An. I thinke there are, Sir, I heard them talk'd of

   Sl. I loue the sport well, but I shall as soone quarrell
at it, as any man in England: you are afraid if you see the
Beare loose, are you not?
  An. I indeede Sir

Sl. That's meate and drinke to me now: I haue seeneSaskerson loose, twenty times, and haue taken him by theChaine: but (I warrant you) the women haue so crideand shrekt at it, that it past: But women indeede, cannotabide 'em, they are very ill-fauour'd rough things

Ma.Pa. Come, gentle M[aster]. Slender, come; we stay for you

Sl. Ile eate nothing, I thanke you Sir

Ma.Pa. By cocke and pie, you shall not choose, Sir:come, come

Sl. Nay, pray you lead the way

Ma.Pa. Come on, Sir

Sl. Mistris Anne: your selfe shall goe first

An. Not I Sir, pray you keepe on

Sl. Truely I will not goe first: truely-la: I will notdoe you that wrong

An. I pray you Sir

Sl. Ile rather be vnmannerly, then troublesome: youdoe your selfe wrong indeede-la.

Exeunt.

Scena Secunda.

Enter Euans, and Simple.

Eu. Go your waies, and aske of Doctor Caius house,which is the way; and there dwels one Mistris Quickly;which is in the manner of his Nurse; or his dry-Nurse; orhis Cooke; or his Laundry; his Washer, and his Ringer

Si. Well Sir

Eu. Nay, it is petter yet: giue her this letter; for it isa 'oman that altogeathers acquainta[n]ce with Mistris AnnePage; and the Letter is to desire, and require her to soliciteyour Masters desires, to Mistris Anne Page: I prayyou be gon: I will make an end of my dinner; ther's Pippinsand Cheese to come.

Exeunt.

Scena Tertia.

Enter Falstaffe, Host, Bardolfe, Nym, Pistoll, Page.

  Fal. Mine Host of the Garter?
  Ho. What saies my Bully Rooke? speake schollerly,
and wisely

   Fal. Truely mine Host; I must turne away some of my
followers

   Ho. Discard, (bully Hercules) casheere; let them wag;
trot, trot

Fal. I sit at ten pounds a weeke

   Ho. Thou'rt an Emperor (Cesar, Keiser and Pheazar)
I will entertaine Bardolfe: he shall draw; he shall tap; said
I well (bully Hector?)
  Fa. Doe so (good mine Host.)
  Ho. I haue spoke; let him follow; let me see thee froth,
and liue: I am at a word: follow

Fal. Bardolfe, follow him: a Tapster is a good trade:an old Cloake, makes a new Ierkin: a wither'd Seruingman,a fresh Tapster: goe, adew

Ba. It is a life that I haue desir'd: I will thriue

Pist. O base hungarian wight: wilt y the spigot wield

   Ni. He was gotten in drink: is not the humor co[n]ceited?
  Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this Tinderbox: his
Thefts were too open: his filching was like an vnskilfull
Singer, he kept not time

Ni. The good humor is to steale at a minutes rest

Pist. Conuay: the wise it call: Steale? foh: a fico forthe phrase

Fal. Well sirs, I am almost out at heeles

Pist. Why then let Kibes ensue

Fal. There is no remedy: I must conicatch, I must shift

Pist. Yong Rauens must haue foode

   Fal. Which of you know Ford of this Towne?
  Pist. I ken the wight: he is of substance good

Fal. My honest Lads, I will tell you what I am about

Pist. Two yards, and more

Fal. No quips now Pistoll: (Indeede I am in the wastetwo yards about: but I am now about no waste: I am aboutthrift) briefely: I doe meane to make loue to Fordswife: I spie entertainment in her: shee discourses: sheecarues: she giues the leere of inuitation: I can construethe action of her familier stile, & the hardest voice of herbehauior (to be english'd rightly) is, I am Sir Iohn Falstafs

   Pist. He hath studied her will; and translated her will:
out of honesty, into English

   Ni. The Anchor is deepe: will that humor passe?
  Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her
husbands Purse: he hath a legend of Angels

Pist. As many diuels entertaine: and to her Boy say I

Ni. The humor rises: it is good: humor me the angels

Fal. I haue writ me here a letter to her: & here anotherto Pages wife, who euen now gaue mee good eyestoo; examind my parts with most iudicious illiads: sometimesthe beame of her view, guilded my foote: sometimesmy portly belly

Pist. Then did the Sun on dung-hill shine

Ni. I thanke thee for that humour

Fal. O she did so course o're my exteriors with sucha greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye, did seemeto scorch me vp like a burning-glasse: here's anotherletter to her: She beares the Purse too: She is a Regionin Guiana: all gold, and bountie: I will be Cheaters tothem both, and they shall be Exchequers to mee: theyshall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade tothem both: Goe, beare thou this Letter to Mistris Page;and thou this to Mistris Ford: we will thriue (Lads) wewill thriue

   Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
And by my side weare Steele? then Lucifer take all

   Ni. I will run no base humor: here take the humor-Letter;
I will keepe the hauior of reputation

   Fal. Hold Sirha, beare you these Letters tightly,
Saile like my Pinnasse to these golden shores.
Rogues, hence, auaunt, vanish like haile-stones; goe,
Trudge; plod away ith' hoofe: seeke shelter, packe:
Falstaffe will learne the honor of the age,
French-thrift, you Rogues, my selfe, and skirted Page

   Pist. Let Vultures gripe thy guts: for gourd, and
Fullam holds: & high and low beguiles the rich & poore,
Tester ile haue in pouch when thou shalt lacke,
Base Phrygian Turke

   Ni. I haue opperations,
Which be humors of reuenge

   Pist. Wilt thou reuenge?
  Ni. By Welkin, and her Star

   Pist. With wit, or Steele?
  Ni. With both the humors, I:
I will discusse the humour of this Loue to Ford

   Pist. And I to Page shall eke vnfold
How Falstaffe (varlet vile)
His Doue will proue; his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile

Ni. My humour shall not coole: I will incense Fordto deale with poyson: I will possesse him with yallownesse,for the reuolt of mine is dangerous: that is mytrue humour

Pist. Thou art the Mars of Malecontents: I secondthee: troope on.

Exeunt.

Scoena Quarta.

Enter Mistris Quickly, Simple, Iohn Rugby, Doctor, Caius, Fenton.

Qu. What, Iohn Rugby, I pray thee goe to the Casement,and see if you can see my Master, Master DocterCaius comming: if he doe (I' faith) and finde any bodyin the house; here will be an old abusing of Gods patience,and the Kings English

Ru. Ile goe watch

Qu. Goe, and we'll haue a posset for't soone at night,(in faith) at the latter end of a Sea-cole-fire: An honest,willing, kinde fellow, as euer seruant shall come in housewithall: and I warrant you, no tel-tale, nor no breedebate:his worst fault is, that he is giuen to prayer; hee issomething peeuish that way: but no body but has hisfault: but let that passe. Peter Simple, you say yourname is? Si. I: for fault of a better

   Qu. And Master Slender's your Master?
  Si. I forsooth

   Qu. Do's he not weare a great round Beard, like a
Glouers pairing-knife?
  Si. No forsooth: he hath but a little wee-face; with
a little yellow Beard: a Caine colourd Beard

   Qu. A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
  Si. I forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as
any is betweene this and his head: he hath fought with
a Warrener

   Qu. How say you: oh, I should remember him: do's
he not hold vp his head (as it were?) and strut in his gate?
  Si. Yes indeede do's he

   Qu. Well, heauen send Anne Page, no worse fortune:
Tell Master Parson Euans, I will doe what I can for your
Master: Anne is a good girle, and I wish -
  Ru. Out alas: here comes my Master

Qu. We shall all be shent: Run in here, good youngman: goe into this Closset: he will not stay long: whatIohn Rugby? Iohn: what Iohn I say? goe Iohn, goe enquirefor my Master, I doubt he be not well, that heecomes not home: (and downe, downe, adowne'a. &c

Ca. Vat is you sing? I doe not like des-toyes: prayyou goe and vetch me in my Closset, vnboyteere verd;a Box, a greene-a-Box: do intend vat I speake? a greene-a-Box

Qu. I forsooth ile fetch it you:I am glad hee went not in himselfe: if he had found theyong man he would haue bin horne-mad

   Ca. Fe, fe, fe, fe, mai foy, il fait for ehando, Ie man voi a le
Court la grand affaires

   Qu. Is it this Sir?
  Ca. Ouy mette le au mon pocket, depeech quickly:
Vere is dat knaue Rugby?
  Qu. What Iohn Rugby, Iohn?
  Ru. Here Sir

Ca. You are Iohn Rugby, and you are Iacke Rugby:Come, take-a-your Rapier, and come after my heele tothe Court

Ru. 'Tis ready Sir, here in the Porch

Ca. By my trot: I tarry too long: od's-me: que ay ieoublie: dere is some Simples in my Closset, dat I vill notfor the varld I shall leaue behinde

Qu. Ay-me, he'll finde the yong man there, & be mad

   Ca. O Diable, Diable: vat is in my Closset?
Villanie, Laroone: Rugby, my Rapier

Qu. Good Master be content

   Ca. Wherefore shall I be content-a?
  Qu. The yong man is an honest man

   Ca. What shall de honest man do in my Closset: dere
is no honest man dat shall come in my Closset

Qu. I beseech you be not so flegmaticke: heare thetruth of it. He came of an errand to mee, from ParsonHugh

Ca. Vell

   Si. I forsooth: to desire her to -
  Qu. Peace, I pray you

Ca. Peace-a-your tongue: speake-a-your Tale

Si. To desire this honest Gentlewoman (your Maid)to speake a good word to Mistris Anne Page, for my Masterin the way of Marriage

   Qu. This is all indeede-la: but ile nere put my finger
in the fire, and neede not

   Ca. Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, ballow mee some
paper: tarry you a littell-a-while

Qui. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had bin throughlymoued, you should haue heard him so loud, and so melancholly:but notwithstanding man, Ile doe yoe yourMaster what good I can: and the very yea, & the no is, yFrench Doctor my Master, (I may call him my Master,looke you, for I keepe his house; and I wash, ring, brew,bake, scowre, dresse meat and drinke, make the beds, anddoe all my selfe.) Simp. 'Tis a great charge to come vnder one bodieshand

Qui. Are you auis'd o'that? you shall finde it a greatcharge: and to be vp early, and down late: but notwithstanding,(to tell you in your eare, I wold haue no wordsof it) my Master himselfe is in loue with Mistris AnnePage: but notwithstanding that I know Ans mind, that'sneither heere nor there

Caius. You, Iack'Nape: giue-'a this Letter to SirHugh, by gar it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in deParke, and I will teach a scuruy Iackanape Priest tomeddle, or make:- you may be gon: it is not goodyou tarry here: by gar I will cut all his two stones: bygar, he shall not haue a stone to throw at his dogge

Qui. Alas: he speakes but for his friend

Caius. It is no matter 'a ver dat: do not you tell-a-medat I shall haue Anne Page for my selfe? by gar, I villkill de Iack-Priest: and I haue appointed mine Host ofde Iarteer to measure our weapon: by gar, I wil my selfehaue Anne Page

   Qui. Sir, the maid loues you, and all shall bee well:
We must giue folkes leaue to prate: what the goodier

Caius. Rugby, come to the Court with me: by gar, ifI haue not Anne Page, I shall turne your head out of mydore: follow my heeles, Rugby

Qui. You shall haue An-fooles head of your owne:No, I know Ans mind for that: neuer a woman in Windsorknowes more of Ans minde then I doe, nor can doemore then I doe with her, I thanke heauen

   Fenton. Who's with in there, hoa?
  Qui. Who's there, I troa? Come neere the house I
pray you

   Fen. How now (good woman) how dost thou?
  Qui. The better that it pleases your good Worship
to aske?
  Fen. What newes? how do's pretty Mistris Anne?
  Qui. In truth Sir, and shee is pretty, and honest, and
gentle, and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by
the way, I praise heauen for it

Fen. Shall I doe any good thinkst thou? shall I notloose my suit? Qui. Troth Sir, all is in his hands aboue: but notwithstanding(Master Fenton) Ile be sworne on a bookeshee loues you: haue not your Worship a wart aboueyour eye? Fen. Yes marry haue I, what of that? Qui. Wel, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is suchanother Nan; (but (I detest) an honest maid as euerbroke bread: wee had an howres talke of that wart; Ishall neuer laugh but in that maids company: but (indeed)shee is giuen too much to Allicholy and musing:but for you - well - goe too - Fen. Well: I shall see her to day: hold, there's moneyfor thee: Let mee haue thy voice in my behalfe: ifthou seest her before me, commend me. - Qui. Will I? I faith that wee will: And I will tellyour Worship more of the Wart, the next time we haueconfidence, and of other wooers

Fen. Well, fare-well, I am in great haste now

Qui. Fare-well to your Worship: truely an honestGentleman: but Anne loues him not: for I know Ansminde as well as another do's: out vpon't: what haue Iforgot.

Enter.

Actus Secundus. Scoena Prima.

Enter Mistris Page, Mistris Ford, Master Page, Master Ford,
Pistoll, Nim,
Quickly, Host, Shallow.

Mist.Page. What, haue scap'd Loue-letters in theholly-day-time of my beauty, and am I now a subiectfor them? let me see?Aske me no reason why I loue you, for though Loue vse Reasonfor his precisian, hee admits him not for his Counsailour:you are not yong, no more am I: goe to then, there's simpathie:you are merry, so am I: ha, ha, then there's more simpathie:you loue sacke, and so do I: would you desire better simpathie?Let it suffice thee (Mistris Page) at the least if the Loue ofSouldier can suffice, that I loue thee: I will not say pitty mee,'tis not a Souldier-like phrase; but I say, loue me:By me, thine owne true Knight, by day or night:Or any kinde of light, with all his might,For thee to fight. Iohn Falstaffe.What a Herod of Iurie is this? O wicked, wicked world:One that is well-nye worne to peeces with ageTo show himselfe a yong Gallant? What an vnwaiedBehauiour hath this Flemish drunkard pickt (withThe Deuills name) out of my conuersation, that he daresIn this manner assay me? why, hee hath not beene thriceIn my Company: what should I say to him? I was thenFrugall of my mirth: (heauen forgiue mee:) why IleExhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting downeof men: how shall I be reueng'd on him? for reueng'd Iwill be? as sure as his guts are made of puddings

   Mis.Ford. Mistris Page, trust me, I was going to your
house

   Mis.Page. And trust me, I was comming to you: you
looke very ill

   Mis.Ford. Nay Ile nere beleeue that; I haue to shew
to the contrary

Mis.Page. 'Faith but you doe in my minde

Mis.Ford. Well: I doe then: yet I say, I could shewyou to the contrary: O Mistris Page, giue mee somecounsaile

   Mis.Page. What's the matter, woman?
  Mi.Ford. O woman: if it were not for one trifling respect,
I could come to such honour

   Mi.Page. Hang the trifle (woman) take the honour:
what is it? dispence with trifles: what is it?
  Mi.Ford. If I would but goe to hell, for an eternall
moment, or so: I could be knighted

Mi.Page. What thou liest? Sir Alice Ford? theseKnights will hacke, and so thou shouldst not alter the articleof thy Gentry

Mi.Ford. Wee burne day-light: heere, read, read:perceiue how I might bee knighted, I shall thinke theworse of fat men, as long as I haue an eye to make differenceof mens liking: and yet hee would not sweare:praise womens modesty: and gaue such orderly and welbehauedreproofe to al vncomelinesse, that I would hauesworne his disposition would haue gone to the truth ofhis words: but they doe no more adhere and keep placetogether, then the hundred Psalms to the tune of Greensleeues:What tempest (I troa) threw this Whale, (withso many Tuns of oyle in his belly) a'shoare at Windsor?How shall I bee reuenged on him? I thinke the best waywere, to entertaine him with hope, till the wicked fireof lust haue melted him in his owne greace: Did you euerheare the like? Mis.Page. Letter for letter; but that the name ofPage and Ford differs: to thy great comfort in this mysteryof ill opinions, heere's the twyn-brother of thy Letter:but let thine inherit first, for I protest mine neuershall: I warrant he hath a thousand of these Letters, writwith blancke-space for different names (sure more): andthese are of the second edition: hee will print them outof doubt: for he cares not what hee puts into the presse,when he would put vs two: I had rather be a Giantesse,and lye vnder Mount Pelion: Well; I will find you twentielasciuious Turtles ere one chaste man

Mis.Ford. Why this is the very same: the very hand:the very words: what doth he thinke of vs? Mis.Page. Nay I know not: it makes me almost readieto wrangle with mine owne honesty: Ile entertainemy selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall: forsure vnlesse hee know some straine in mee, that I knownot my selfe, hee would neuer haue boorded me in thisfurie

Mi.Ford. Boording, call you it? Ile bee sure to keepehim aboue decke

Mi.Page. So will I: if hee come vnder my hatches,Ile neuer to Sea againe: Let's bee reueng'd on him: let'sappoint him a meeting: giue him a show of comfort inhis Suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till heehath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the Garter

Mi.Ford. Nay, I wil consent to act any villany againsthim, that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty: ohthat my husband saw this Letter: it would giue eternallfood to his iealousie

Mis.Page. Why look where he comes; and my goodman too: hee's as farre from iealousie, as I am from giuinghim cause, and that (I hope) is an vnmeasurable distance

Mis.Ford. You are the happier woman

   Mis.Page. Let's consult together against this greasie
Knight: Come hither

Ford. Well: I hope, it be not so

   Pist. Hope is a curtall-dog in some affaires:
Sir Iohn affects thy wife

Ford. Why sir, my wife is not young

Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich & poor,both yong and old, one with another (Ford) he loues theGally-mawfry (Ford) perpend

   Ford. Loue my wife?
  Pist. With liuer, burning hot: preuent:
Or goe thou like Sir Acteon he, with
Ring-wood at thy heeles: O, odious is the name

   Ford. What name Sir?
  Pist. The horne I say: Farewell:
Take heed, haue open eye, for theeues doe foot by night.
Take heed, ere sommer comes, or Cuckoo-birds do sing.
Away sir Corporall Nim:
Beleeue it (Page) he speakes sence

Ford. I will be patient: I will find out this

Nim. And this is true: I like not the humor of lying:hee hath wronged mee in some humors: I should haueborne the humour'd Letter to her: but I haue a sword:and it shall bite vpon my necessitie: he loues your wife;There's the short and the long: My name is CorporallNim: I speak, and I auouch; 'tis true: my name is Nim:and Falstaffe loues your wife: adieu, I loue not the humourof bread and cheese: adieu

Page. The humour of it (quoth 'a?) heere's a fellowfrights English out of his wits

Ford. I will seeke out Falstaffe

Page. I neuer heard such a drawling-affecting rogue

Ford. If I doe finde it: well

   Page. I will not beleeue such a Cataian, though the
Priest o' th' Towne commended him for a true man

Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well

   Page. How now Meg?
  Mist.Page. Whether goe you (George?) harke you

   Mis.Ford. How now (sweet Frank) why art thou melancholy?
  Ford. I melancholy? I am not melancholy:
Get you home: goe

   Mis.Ford. Faith, thou hast some crochets in thy head,
Now: will you goe, Mistris Page?
  Mis.Page. Haue with you: you'll come to dinner
George? Looke who comes yonder: shee shall bee our
Messenger to this paltrie Knight

Mis.Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: shee'll fit it

   Mis.Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne?
  Qui. I forsooth: and I pray how do's good Mistresse
Anne?
  Mis.Page. Go in with vs and see: we haue an houres
talke with you

   Page. How now Master Ford?
  For. You heard what this knaue told me, did you not?
  Page. Yes, and you heard what the other told me?
  Ford. Doe you thinke there is truth in them?
  Pag. Hang 'em slaues: I doe not thinke the Knight
would offer it: But these that accuse him in his intent
towards our wiues, are a yoake of his discarded men: very
rogues, now they be out of seruice

   Ford. Were they his men?
  Page. Marry were they

Ford. I like it neuer the beter for that,Do's he lye at the Garter? Page. I marry do's he: if hee should intend this voyagetoward my wife, I would turne her loose to him;and what hee gets more of her, then sharpe words, let itlye on my head

Ford. I doe not misdoubt my wife: but I would beeloath to turne them together: a man may be too confident:I would haue nothing lye on my head: I cannotbe thus satisfied

Page. Looke where my ranting-Host of the Gartercomes: there is eyther liquor in his pate, or mony in hispurse, when hee lookes so merrily: How now mineHost? Host. How now Bully-Rooke: thou'rt a GentlemanCaueleiro Iustice, I say

Shal. I follow, (mine Host) I follow: Good-euen,and twenty (good Master Page.) Master Page, wil you gowith vs? we haue sport in hand

Host. Tell him Caueleiro-Iustice: tell him Bully-Rooke

   Shall. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, betweene Sir
Hugh the Welch Priest, and Caius the French Doctor

Ford. Good mine Host o'th' Garter: a word with you

Host. What saist thou, my Bully-Rooke? Shal. Will you goe with vs to behold it? My merryHost hath had the measuring of their weapons; and (Ithinke) hath appointed them contrary places: for (beleeuemee) I heare the Parson is no Iester: harke, I willtell you what our sport shall be

   Host. Hast thou no suit against my Knight? my guest-Caualeire?
  Shal. None, I protest: but Ile giue you a pottle of
burn'd sacke, to giue me recourse to him, and tell him
my name is Broome: onely for a iest

   Host. My hand, (Bully:) thou shalt haue egresse and
regresse, (said I well?) and thy name shall be Broome. It
is a merry Knight: will you goe An-heires?
  Shal. Haue with you mine Host

   Page. I haue heard the French-man hath good skill
in his Rapier

Shal. Tut sir: I could haue told you more: In thesetimes you stand on distance: your Passes, Stoccado's, andI know not what: 'tis the heart (Master Page) 'tis heere,'tis heere: I haue seene the time, with my long-sword, Iwould haue made you fowre tall fellowes skippe likeRattes

   Host. Heere boyes, heere, heere: shall we wag?
  Page. Haue with you: I had rather heare them scold,
then fight

Ford. Though Page be a secure foole, and stands sofirmely on his wiues frailty; yet, I cannot put-off my opinionso easily: she was in his company at Pages house:and what they made there, I know not. Well, I wil lookefurther into't, and I haue a disguise, to sound Falstaffe; ifI finde her honest, I loose not my labor: if she be otherwise,'tis labour well bestowed.

Exeunt.

Scoena Secunda.

Enter Falstaffe, Pistoll, Robin, Quickly, Bardolffe, Ford.

Fal. I will not lend thee a penny

Pist. Why then the world's mine Oyster, which I,with sword will open

Fal. Not a penny: I haue beene content (Sir,) youshould lay my countenance to pawne: I haue grated vponmy good friends for three Repreeues for you, andyour Coach-fellow Nim; or else you had look'd throughthe grate, like a Geminy of Baboones: I am damn'd inhell, for swearing to Gentlemen my friends, you weregood Souldiers, and tall-fellowes. And when MistresseBriget lost the handle of her Fan, I took't vpon mine honourthou hadst it not

Pist. Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteenepence? Fal. Reason, you roague, reason: thinkst thou Ile endangermy soule, gratis? at a word, hang no more aboutmee, I am no gibbet for you: goe, a short knife, and athrong, to your Mannor of Pickt-hatch: goe, you'll notbeare a Letter for mee you roague? you stand vpon yourhonor: why, (thou vnconfinable basenesse) it is as muchas I can doe to keepe the termes of my honor precise:I, I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing the feare of heauen onthe left hand, and hiding mine honor in my necessity, amfaine to shufflle: to hedge, and to lurch, and yet, youRogue, will en-sconce your raggs; your Cat-a-Mountaine-lookes,your red-lattice phrases, and your boldbeating-oathes,vnder the shelter of your honor? youwill not doe it? you?

Pist. I doe relent: what would thou more of man?

Robin. Sir, here's a woman would speake with you

Fal. Let her approach

Qui. Giue your worship good morrow

Fal. Good-morrow, good-wife

Qui. Not so, and't please your worship

Fal. Good maid then

   Qui. Ile be sworne,
As my mother was the first houre I was borne

Fal. I doe beleeue the swearer; what with me?

  Qui. Shall I vouch-safe your worship a word, or
two?

  Fal. Two thousand (faire woman) and ile vouchsafe
thee the hearing

   Qui. There is one Mistresse Ford, (Sir) I pray come a
little neerer this waies: I my selfe dwell with M[aster]. Doctor
Caius:
  Fal. Well, on; Mistresse Ford, you say

   Qui. Your worship saies very true: I pray your worship
come a little neerer this waies

   Fal. I warrant thee, no-bodie heares: mine owne
people, mine owne people

   Qui. Are they so? heauen-blesse them, and make
them his Seruants

Fal. Well; Mistresse Ford, what of her?

Qui. Why, Sir; shee's a good-creature; Lord, Lord,your Worship's a wanton: well: heauen forgiue you,and all of vs, I pray -

Fal. Mistresse Ford: come, Mistresse Ford

Qui. Marry this is the short, and the long of it: youhaue brought her into such a Canaries, as 'tis wonderfull:the best Courtier of them all (when the Court layat Windsor) could neuer haue brought her to such a Canarie:yet there has beene Knights, and Lords, and Gentlemen,with their Coaches; I warrant you Coach afterCoach, letter after letter, gift after gift, smelling so sweetly;all Muske, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silkeand golde, and in such alligant termes, and in such wineand suger of the best, and the fairest, that would hauewonne any womans heart: and I warrant you, they couldneuer get an eye-winke of her: I had my selfe twentieAngels giuen me this morning, but I defie all Angels (inany such sort, as they say) but in the way of honesty: andI warrant you, they could neuer get her so much as sippeon a cup with the prowdest of them all, and yet there hasbeene Earles: nay, (which is more) Pentioners, but Iwarrant you all is one with her

Fal. But what saies shee to mee? be briefe my goodsheeMercurie

Qui. Marry, she hath receiu'd your Letter: for thewhich she thankes you a thousand times; and she giuesyou to notifie, that her husband will be absence from hishouse, betweene ten and eleuen

Fal. Ten, and eleuen

Qui. I, forsooth: and then you may come and see thepicture (she sayes) that you wot of: Master Ford her husbandwill be from home: alas, the sweet woman leadesan ill life with him: hee's a very iealousie-man; she leadsa very frampold life with him, (good hart.)

   Fal. Ten, and eleuen.
Woman, commend me to her, I will not faile her

Qui. Why, you say well: But I haue another messengerto your worship: Mistresse Page hath her heartiecommendations to you to: and let mee tell you in youreare, shee's as fartuous a ciuill modest wife, and one (Itell you) that will not misse you morning nor eueningprayer, as any is in Windsor, who ere bee the other: andshee bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldomefrom home, but she hopes there will come a time.I neuer knew a woman so doate vpon a man; surely Ithinke you haue charmes, la: yes in truth

Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of mygood parts aside, I haue no other charmes

Qui. Blessing on your heart for't

   Fal. But I pray thee tell me this: has Fords wife, and
Pages wife acquainted each other, how they loue me?

Qui. That were a iest indeed: they haue not so littlegrace I hope, that were a tricke indeed: But Mistris Pagewould desire you to send her your little Page of al loues:her husband has a maruellous infectio[n] to the little Page:and truely Master Page is an honest man: neuer a wife inWindsor leades a better life then she do's: doe what sheewill, say what she will, take all, pay all, goe to bed whenshe list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and truly shedeserues it; for if there be a kinde woman in Windsor, sheis one: you must send her your Page, no remedie

Fal. Why, I will

Qu. Nay, but doe so then, and looke you, hee maycome and goe betweene you both: and in any case hauea nay-word, that you may know one anothers minde,and the Boy neuer neede to vnderstand any thing; for'tis not good that children should know any wickednes:olde folkes you know, haue discretion, as they say, andknow the world

Fal. Farethee-well, commend mee to them both:there's my purse, I am yet thy debter: Boy, goe alongwith this woman, this newes distracts me

   Pist. This Puncke is one of Cupids Carriers,
Clap on more sailes, pursue: vp with your sights:
Giue fire: she is my prize, or Ocean whelme them all

Fal. Saist thou so (old Iacke) go thy waies: Ile makemore of thy olde body then I haue done: will they yetlooke after thee? wilt thou after the expence of so muchmoney, be now a gainer? good Body, I thanke thee: letthem say 'tis grossely done, so it bee fairely done, nomatter

Bar. Sir Iohn, there's one Master Broome below wouldfaine speake with you, and be acquainted with you; andhath sent your worship a mornings draught of Sacke

Fal. Broome is his name?

Bar. I Sir

Fal. Call him in: such Broomes are welcome to mee,that ore'flowes such liquor: ah ha, Mistresse Ford and MistressePage, haue I encompass'd you? goe to, via

Ford. 'Blesse you sir

Fal. And you sir: would you speake with me?

   Ford. I make bold, to presse, with so little preparation
vpon you

   Fal. You'r welcome, what's your will? giue vs leaue
Drawer

   Ford. Sir, I am a Gentleman that haue spent much,
my name is Broome

   Fal. Good Master Broome, I desire more acquaintance
of you

Ford. Good Sir Iohn, I sue for yours: not to chargeyou, for I must let you vnderstand, I thinke my selfe inbetter plight for a Lender, then you are: the which hathsomething emboldned me to this vnseason'd intrusion:for they say, if money goe before, all waies doe lyeopen

Fal. Money is a good Souldier (Sir) and will on

Ford. Troth, and I haue a bag of money heere troublesme: if you will helpe to beare it (Sir Iohn) take all,or halfe, for easing me of the carriage

   Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserue to bee your
Porter

Ford. I will tell you sir, if you will giue mee the hearing

Fal. Speake (good Master Broome) I shall be glad tobe your Seruant

Ford. Sir, I heare you are a Scholler: (I will be briefewith you) and you haue been a man long knowne to me,though I had neuer so good means as desire, to make myselfe acquainted with you. I shall discouer a thing toyou, wherein I must very much lay open mine owne imperfection:but (good Sir Iohn) as you haue one eye vponmy follies, as you heare them vnfolded, turne anotherinto the Register of your owne, that I may passe with areproofe the easier, sith you your selfe know how easie itis to be such an offender

Fal. Very well Sir, proceed

Ford. There is a Gentlewoman in this Towne, herhusbands name is Ford

Fal. Well Sir

Ford. I haue long lou'd her, and I protest to you, bestowedmuch on her: followed her with a doating obseruance:Ingross'd opportunities to meete her: fee'd eueryslight occasion that could but nigardly giue meesight of her: not only bought many presents to giue her,but haue giuen largely to many, to know what sheewould haue giuen: briefly, I haue pursu'd her, as Louehath pursued mee, which hath beene on the wing of alloccasions: but whatsoeuer I haue merited, either in myminde, or in my meanes, meede I am sure I haue receiuednone, vnlesse Experience be a Iewell, that I haue purchasedat an infinite rate, and that hath taught mee to saythis,``Loue like a shadow flies, when substance Loue pursues,``Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues

   Fal. Haue you receiu'd no promise of satisfaction at
her hands?
  Ford. Neuer

   Fal. Haue you importun'd her to such a purpose?
  Ford. Neuer

   Fal. Of what qualitie was your loue then?
  Ford. Like a fair house, built on another mans ground,
so that I haue lost my edifice, by mistaking the place,
where I erected it

Fal. To what purpose haue you vnfolded this to me? For. When I haue told you that, I haue told you all:Some say, that though she appeare honest to mee, yet inother places shee enlargeth her mirth so farre, that thereis shrewd construction made of her. Now (Sir Iohn) hereis the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellentbreeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance,authenticke in your place and person, generallyallow'd for your many war-like, court-like, and learnedpreparations

Fal. O Sir

Ford. Beleeue it, for you know it: there is money,spend it, spend it, spend more; spend all I haue, onelygiue me so much of your time in enchange of it, as to layan amiable siege to the honesty of this Fords wife: vseyour Art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if anyman may, you may as soone as any

Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of youraffection that I should win what you would enioy? Methinkesyou prescribe to your selfe very preposterously

Ford. O, vnderstand my drift: she dwells so securelyon the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my souledares not present it selfe: shee is too bright to be look'dagainst. Now, could I come to her with any detectionin my hand; my desires had instance and argument tocommend themselues, I could driue her then from theward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow,and a thousand other her defences, which now are tootoostrongly embattaild against me: what say you too't,Sir Iohn? Fal. Master Broome, I will first make bold with yourmoney: next, giue mee your hand: and last, as I am agentleman, you shall, if you will, enioy Fords wife

Ford. O good Sir

Fal. I say you shall

Ford. Want no money (Sir Iohn) you shall want none

Fal. Want no Mistresse Ford (Master Broome) you shallwant none: I shall be with her (I may tell you) by herowne appointment, euen as you came in to me, her assistant,or goe-betweene, parted from me: I say I shall bewith her betweene ten and eleuen: for at that time theiealious-rascally-knaue her husband will be forth: comeyou to me at night, you shall know how I speed

Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance: do you knowFord Sir? Fal. Hang him (poore Cuckoldly knaue) I knowhim not: yet I wrong him to call him poore: They saythe iealous wittolly-knaue hath masses of money, forthe which his wife seemes to me well-fauourd: I will vseher as the key of the Cuckoldly-rogues Coffer, & ther'smy haruest-home

Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might auoidhim, if you saw him

Fal. Hang him, mechanicall-salt-butter rogue; I wilstare him out of his wits: I will awe-him with my cudgell:it shall hang like a Meteor ore the Cuckolds horns:Master Broome, thou shalt know, I will predominate ouerthe pezant, and thou shalt lye with his wife. Cometo me soone at night: Ford's a knaue, and I will aggrauatehis stile: thou (Master Broome) shalt know him forknaue, and Cuckold. Come to me soone at night

Ford. What a damn'd Epicurian-Rascall is this? myheart is ready to cracke with impatience: who saies thisis improuident iealousie? my wife hath sent to him, thehowre is fixt, the match is made: would any man hauethought this? see the hell of hauing a false woman: mybed shall be abus'd, my Coffers ransack'd, my reputationgnawne at, and I shall not onely receiue this villanouswrong, but stand vnder the adoption of abhominabletermes, and by him that does mee this wrong: Termes,names: Amaimon sounds well: Lucifer, well: Barbason,well: yet they are Diuels additions, the names of fiends:But Cuckold, Wittoll, Cuckold? the Diuell himselfehath not such a name. Page is an Asse, a secure Asse; heewill trust his wife, hee will not be iealous: I will rathertrust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshmanwith my Cheese, an Irish-man with my Aqua-vitae-bottle,or a Theefe to walke my ambling gelding, thenmy wife with her selfe. Then she plots, then shee ruminates,then shee deuises: and what they thinke in theirhearts they may effect; they will breake their hearts butthey will effect. Heauen bee prais'd for my iealousie:eleuen o' clocke the howre, I will preuent this, detectmy wife, bee reueng'd on Falstaffe, and laugh at Page. Iwill about it, better three houres too soone, then a mynutetoo late: fie, fie, fie: Cuckold, Cuckold, Cuckold.

Enter.

Scena Tertia.

Enter Caius, Rugby, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host.

Caius. Iacke Rugby

Rug. Sir

Caius. Vat is the clocke, Iack

Rug. 'Tis past the howre (Sir) that Sir Hugh promis'dto meet

Cai. By gar, he has saue his soule, dat he is no-come:hee has pray his Pible well, dat he is no-come: by gar(Iack Rugby) he is dead already, if he be come

Rug. Hee is wise Sir: hee knew your worship wouldkill him if he came

Cai. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill killhim: take your Rapier, (Iacke) I vill tell you how I villkill him

Rug. Alas sir, I cannot fence

Cai. Villaine, take your Rapier

Rug. Forbeare: heer's company

Host. 'Blesse thee, bully-Doctor

Shal. 'Saue you Mr. Doctor Caius

Page. Now good Mr. Doctor

Slen. 'Giue you good-morrow, sir

Caius. Vat be all you one, two, tree, fowre, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foigne, to see theetrauerse, to see thee heere, to see thee there, to see theepasse thy puncto, thy stock, thy reuerse, thy distance, thymontant: Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco?ha Bully? what saies my Esculapius? my Galien? myheart of Elder? ha? is he dead bully-Stale? is he dead? Cai. By gar, he is de Coward-Iack-Priest of de vorld:he is not show his face

   Host. Thou art a Castalion-king-Vrinall: Hector of
Greece (my Boy)
  Cai. I pray you beare witnesse, that me haue stay,
sixe or seuen, two tree howres for him, and hee is nocome

Shal. He is the wiser man (M[aster]. Doctor) he is a curer ofsoules, and you a curer of bodies: if you should fight, yougoe against the haire of your professions: is it not true,Master Page? Page. Master Shallow; you haue your selfe beene agreat fighter, though now a man of peace

Shal. Body-kins M[aster]. Page, though I now be old, andof the peace; if I see a sword out, my finger itches tomake one: though wee are Iustices, and Doctors, andChurch-men (M[aster]. Page) wee haue some salt of our youthin vs, we are the sons of women (M[aster]. Page.) Page. 'Tis true, Mr. Shallow

Shal. It wil be found so, (M[aster]. Page:) M[aster]. DoctorCaius,I am come to fetch you home: I am sworn of the peace:you haue show'd your selfe a wise Physician, and SirHugh hath showne himselfe a wise and patient Churchman:you must goe with me, M[aster]. Doctor

Host. Pardon, Guest-Iustice; a Mounseur Mocke-water

   Cai. Mock-vater? vat is dat?
  Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is Valour
(Bully.)
  Cai. By gar, then I haue as much Mock-vater as de
Englishman: scuruy-Iack-dog-Priest: by gar, mee vill
cut his eares

   Host. He will Clapper-claw thee tightly (Bully.)
  Cai. Clapper-de-claw? vat is dat?
  Host. That is, he will make thee amends

   Cai. By-gar, me doe looke hee shall clapper-de-claw
me, for by-gar, me vill haue it

Host. And I will prouoke him to't, or let him wag

Cai. Me tanck you for dat

Host. And moreouer, (Bully) but first, Mr. Ghuest,and M[aster]. Page, & eeke Caualeiro Slender, goe you throughthe Towne to Frogmore

   Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?
  Host. He is there, see what humor he is in: and I will
bring the Doctor about by the Fields: will it doe well?
  Shal. We will doe it

All. Adieu, good M[aster]. Doctor

   Cai. By-gar, me vill kill de Priest, for he speake for a
Iack-an-Ape to Anne Page

Host. Let him die: sheath thy impatience: throw coldwater on thy Choller: goe about the fields with meethrough Frogmore, I will bring thee where Mistris AnnePage is, at a Farm-house a Feasting: and thou shalt wooeher: Cride-game, said I well? Cai. By-gar, mee dancke you vor dat: by gar I loueyou: and I shall procure 'a you de good Guest: de Earle,de Knight, de Lords, de Gentlemen, my patients

   Host. For the which, I will be thy aduersary toward
Anne Page: said I well?
  Cai. By-gar, 'tis good: vell said

Host. Let vs wag then

Cai. Come at my heeles, Iack Rugby.

Exeunt.

Actus Tertius. Scoena Prima.

Enter Euans, Simple, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Caius, Rugby.

Euans. I pray you now, good Master Slenders seruingman,and friend Simple by your name; which way haueyou look'd for Master Caius, that calls himselfe Doctorof Phisicke

Sim. Marry Sir, the pittie-ward, the Parke-ward:euery way: olde Windsor way, and euery way but theTowne-way

Euan. I most fehemently desire you, you will alsolooke that way

Sim. I will sir

Euan. 'Plesse my soule: how full of Chollors I am, andtrempling of minde: I shall be glad if he haue deceiuedme: how melancholies I am? I will knog his Vrinalls abouthis knaues costard, when I haue good oportunitiesfor the orke: 'Plesse my soule: To shallow Riuers to whosefalls: melodious Birds sings Madrigalls: There will we makeour Peds of Roses: and a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow:'Mercie on mee, I haue a great dispositions to cry.Melodious birds sing Madrigalls: - When as I sat in Pabilon:and a thousand vagram Posies. To shallow, &c

Sim. Yonder he is comming, this way, Sir Hugh

   Euan. Hee's welcome: To shallow Riuers, to whose fals:
Heauen prosper the right: what weapons is he?
  Sim. No weapons, Sir: there comes my Master, Mr.
Shallow, and another Gentleman; from Frogmore, ouer
the stile, this way

   Euan. Pray you giue mee my gowne, or else keepe it
in your armes

   Shal. How now Master Parson? good morrow good
Sir Hugh: keepe a Gamester from the dice, and a good
Studient from his booke, and it is wonderfull

Slen. Ah sweet Anne Page

Page. 'Saue you, good Sir Hugh

Euan. 'Plesse you from his mercy-sake, all of you

   Shal. What? the Sword, and the Word?
Doe you study them both, Mr. Parson?
  Page. And youthfull still, in your doublet and hose,
this raw-rumaticke day?
  Euan. There is reasons, and causes for it

   Page. We are come to you, to doe a good office, Mr.
Parson

Euan. Fery-well: what is it? Page. Yonder is a most reuerend Gentleman; who(be-like) hauing receiued wrong by some person, is atmost odds with his owne grauity and patience, that eueryou saw

Shal. I haue liued foure-score yeeres, and vpward: Ineuer heard a man of his place, grauity, and learning, sowide of his owne respect

   Euan. What is he?
  Page. I thinke you know him: Mr. Doctor Caius the
renowned French Physician

   Euan. Got's-will, and his passion of my heart: I had
as lief you would tell me of a messe of porredge

   Page. Why?
  Euan. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and
  Galen , and hee is a knaue besides: a cowardly knaue, as
you would desires to be acquainted withall

   Page. I warrant you, hee's the man should fight with
him

Slen. O sweet Anne Page

Shal. It appeares so by his weapons: keepe them asunder:here comes Doctor Caius

Page. Nay good Mr. Parson, keepe in your weapon

Shal. So doe you, good Mr. Doctor

   Host. Disarme them, and let them question: let them
keepe their limbs whole, and hack our English

   Cai. I pray you let-a-mee speake a word with your
eare; vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
  Euan. Pray you vse your patience in good time

   Cai. By-gar, you are de Coward: de Iack dog: Iohn
Ape

Euan. Pray you let vs not be laughing-stocks to othermens humors: I desire you in friendship, and I will oneway or other make you amends: I will knog your Vrinalabout your knaues Cogs-combe

Cai. Diable: Iack Rugby: mine Host de Iarteer: haue Inot stay for him, to kill him? haue I not at de place I didappoint? Euan. As I am a Christians-soule, now looke you:this is the place appointed, Ile bee iudgement by mineHost of the Garter

   Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaule, French & Welch,
Soule-Curer, and Body-Curer

Cai. I, dat is very good, excellant

Host. Peace, I say: heare mine Host of the Garter,Am I politicke? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiuell?Shall I loose my Doctor? No, hee giues me the Potionsand the Motions. Shall I loose my Parson? my Priest?my Sir Hugh? No, he giues me the Prouerbes, and theNo-verbes. Giue me thy hand (Celestiall) so: Boyes ofArt, I haue deceiu'd you both: I haue directed you towrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skinnes arewhole, and let burn'd Sacke be the issue: Come, lay theirswords to pawne: Follow me, Lad of peace, follow, follow,follow

Shal. Trust me, a mad Host: follow Gentlemen, follow

Slen. O sweet Anne Page

Cai. Ha' do I perceiue dat? Haue you make-a-de-sotof vs, ha, ha? Eua. This is well, he has made vs his vlowting-stog:I desire you that we may be friends: and let vs knog ourpraines together to be reuenge on this same scallscuruy-cogging-companionthe Host of the Garter

Cai. By gar, with all my heart: he promise to bringme where is Anne Page: by gar he deceiue me too

Euan. Well, I will smite his noddles: pray you follow.

Scena Secunda.

Mist.Page, Robin, Ford, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Euans,
Caius.

Mist.Page. Nay keepe your way (little Gallant) youwere wont to be a follower, but now you are a Leader:whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your mastersheeles? Rob. I had rather (forsooth) go before you like a man,then follow him like a dwarfe

   M.Pa. O you are a flattering boy, now I see you'l be a
(Courtier

Ford. Well met mistris Page, whether go you

   M.Pa. Truly Sir, to see your wife, is she at home?
  Ford. I, and as idle as she may hang together for want
of company: I thinke if your husbands were dead, you
two would marry

M.Pa. Be sure of that, two other husbands

   Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cocke?
  M.Pa. I cannot tell what (the dickens) his name is my
husband had him of, what do you cal your Knights name sirrah?
  Rob. Sir Iohn Falstaffe

Ford. Sir Iohn Falstaffe

   M.Pa. He, he, I can neuer hit on's name; there is such a
league betweene my goodman, and he: is your Wife at home
indeed?
  Ford. Indeed she is

M.Pa. By your leaue sir, I am sicke till I see her

Ford. Has Page any braines? Hath he any eies? Hath heany thinking? Sure they sleepe, he hath no vse of them:why this boy will carrie a letter twentie mile as easie, asa Canon will shoot point-blanke twelue score: hee peecesout his wiues inclination: he giues her folly motionand aduantage: and now she's going to my wife, & Falstaffesboy with her: A man may heare this showre singin the winde; and Falstaffes boy with her: good plots,they are laide, and our reuolted wiues share damnationtogether. Well, I will take him, then torture my wife,plucke the borrowed vaile of modestie from the so-seemingMist[ris]. Page, divulge Page himselfe for a secure andwilfull Acteon, and to these violent proceedings all myneighbors shall cry aime. The clocke giues me my Qu,and my assurance bids me search, there I shall finde Falstaffe:I shall be rather praisd for this, then mock'd, forit is as possitiue, as the earth is firme, that Falstaffe isthere: I will go

Shal. Page, &c. Well met Mr Ford

Ford. Trust me, a good knotte; I haue good cheere athome, and I pray you all go with me

Shal. I must excuse my selfe Mr Ford

   Slen. And so must I Sir,
We haue appointed to dine with Mistris Anne,
And I would not breake with her for more mony
Then Ile speake of

Shal. We haue linger'd about a match betweene AnPage, and my cozen Slender, and this day wee shall haueour answer

Slen. I hope I haue your good will Father Page

   Pag. You haue Mr Slender, I stand wholly for you,
But my wife (Mr Doctor) is for you altogether

   Cai. I be-gar, and de Maid is loue-a-me: my nursh-a-Quickly
tell me so mush

Host. What say you to yong Mr Fenton? He capers,he dances, he has eies of youth: he writes verses, heespeakes holliday, he smels April and May, he wil carry't,he will carry't, 'tis in his buttons, he will carry't

Page. Not by my consent I promise you. The Gentlemanis of no hauing, hee kept companie with the wildePrince, and Pointz: he is of too high a Region, he knowstoo much: no, hee shall not knit a knot in his fortunes,with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let himtake her simply: the wealth I haue waits on my consent,and my consent goes not that way

Ford. I beseech you heartily, some of you goe homewith me to dinner: besides your cheere you shall hauesport, I will shew you a monster: Mr Doctor, you shalgo, so shall you Mr Page, and you Sir Hugh

   Shal. Well, fare you well:
We shall haue the freer woing at Mr Pages

Cai. Go home Iohn Rugby, I come anon

   Host. Farewell my hearts, I will to my honest Knight
Falstaffe, and drinke Canarie with him

   Ford. I thinke I shall drinke in Pipe-wine first with
him, Ile make him dance. Will you go Gentles?
  All. Haue with you, to see this Monster.

Scena Tertia.

Enter M.Ford, M.Page, Seruants, Robin, Falstaffe, Ford, Page,
Caius,
Euans.

Mist.Ford. What Iohn, what Robert

   M.Page. Quickly, quickly: Is the Buck-basket -
  Mis.Ford. I warrant. What Robin I say

Mis.Page. Come, come, come

Mist.Ford. Heere, set it downe

M.Pag. Giue your men the charge, we must be briefe

M.Ford. Marrie, as I told you before (Iohn & Robert)be ready here hard-by in the Brew-house, & when I sodainlycall you, come forth, and (without any pause, orstaggering) take this basket on your shoulders: y done,trudge with it in all hast, and carry it among the Whitstersin Dotchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddieditch, close by the Thames side

   M.Page. You will do it?
  M.Ford. I ha told them ouer and ouer, they lacke no direction.
Be gone, and come when you are call'd

M.Page. Here comes little Robin

   Mist.Ford. How now my Eyas-Musket, what newes with you?
  Rob. My M[aster]. Sir Iohn is come in at your backe doore
(Mist[ris]. Ford, and requests your company

M.Page. You litle Iack-a-lent, haue you bin true to vs Rob. I, Ile be sworne: my Master knowes not of yourbeing heere: and hath threatned to put me into euerlastingliberty, if I tell you of it: for he sweares he'll turneme away

Mist.Pag. Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thineshall be a Tailor to thee, and shal make thee a new doubletand hose. Ile go hide me

   Mi.Ford. Do so: go tell thy Master, I am alone: Mistris
Page, remember you your Qu

Mist.Pag. I warrant thee, if I do not act it, hisse me

Mist.Ford. Go-too then: we'l vse this vnwholsomehumidity, this grosse-watry Pumpion; we'll teach himto know Turtles from Iayes

Fal. Haue I caught thee, my heauenly Iewell? Whynow let me die, for I haue liu'd long enough: This is theperiod of my ambition: O this blessed houre

Mist.Ford. O sweet Sir Iohn

Fal. Mistris Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate (Mist[ris].Ford) now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy Husbandwere dead, Ile speake it before the best Lord, I wouldmake thee my Lady

Mist.Ford. I your Lady Sir Iohn? Alas, I should bee apittifull Lady

Fal. Let the Court of France shew me such another:I see how thine eye would emulate the Diamond: Thouhast the right arched-beauty of the brow, that becomesthe Ship-tyre, the Tyre-valiant, or any Tire of Venetianadmittance

   Mist.Ford. A plaine Kerchiefe, Sir Iohn:
My browes become nothing else, nor that well neither

Fal. Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst makean absolute Courtier, and the firme fixture of thy foote,would giue an excellent motion to thy gate, in a semicircledFarthingale. I see what thou wert if Fortune thyfoe, were not Nature thy friend: Come, thou canst nothide it

Mist.Ford. Beleeue me, ther's no such thing in me

Fal. What made me loue thee? Let that perswadethee. Ther's something extraordinary in thee: Come, Icannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a-manieof these lisping-hauthorne buds, that come like womenin mens apparrell, and smell like Bucklers-berry in simpletime: I cannot, but I loue thee, none but thee; andthou deseru'st it

M.Ford. Do not betray me sir, I fear you loue M[istris]. Page

Fal. Thou mightst as well say, I loue to walke by theCounter-gate, which is as hatefull to me, as the reeke ofa Lime-kill

   Mis.Ford. Well, heauen knowes how I loue you,
And you shall one day finde it

Fal. Keepe in that minde, Ile deserue it

   Mist.Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you doe;
Or else I could not be in that minde

Rob. Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford: heere's Mistris Page atthe doore, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildely,and would needs speake with you presently

   Fal. She shall not see me, I will ensconce mee behinde
the Arras

   M.Ford. Pray you do so, she's a very tatling woman.
Whats the matter? How now?
  Mist.Page. O mistris Ford what haue you done?
You'r sham'd, y'are ouerthrowne, y'are vndone for euer

   M.Ford. What's the matter, good mistris Page?
  M.Page. O weladay, mist[ris]. Ford, hauing an honest man
to your husband, to giue him such cause of suspition

M.Ford. What cause of suspition? M.Page. What cause of suspition? Out vpon you:How am I mistooke in you? M.Ford. Why (alas) what's the matter? M.Page. Your husband's comming hether (Woman)with all the Officers in Windsor, to search for a Gentleman,that he sayes is heere now in the house; by yourconsent to take an ill aduantage of his absence: you arevndone

M.Ford. 'Tis not so, I hope

M.Page. Pray heauen it be not so, that you haue sucha man heere: but 'tis most certaine your husband's comming,with halfe Windsor at his heeles, to serch for sucha one, I come before to tell you: If you know your selfecleere, why I am glad of it: but if you haue a friend here,conuey, conuey him out. Be not amaz'd, call all yoursenses to you, defend your reputation, or bid farwell toyour good life for euer

M.Ford. What shall I do? There is a Gentleman mydeere friend: and I feare not mine owne shame so much,as his perill. I had rather then a thousand pound he wereout of the house

M.Page. For shame, neuer stand (you had rather, andyou had rather:) your husband's heere at hand, bethinkeyou of some conueyance: in the house you cannot hidehim. Oh, how haue you deceiu'd me? Looke, heere is abasket, if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creepein heere, and throw fowle linnen vpon him, as if it weregoing to bucking: Or it is whiting time, send him byyour two men to Datchet-Meade

   M.Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do?
  Fal. Let me see't, let me see't, O let me see't:
Ile in, Ile in: Follow your friends counsell, Ile in

   M.Page. What Sir Iohn Falstaffe? Are these your Letters,
Knight?
  Fal. I loue thee, helpe mee away: let me creepe in
heere: ile neuer -
  M.Page. Helpe to couer your master (Boy:) Call
your men (Mist[ris]. Ford.) You dissembling Knight

M.Ford. What Iohn, Robert, Iohn; Go, take vp thesecloathes heere, quickly: Wher's the Cowle-staffe? Lookhow you drumble? Carry them to the Landresse in Datchetmead: quickly, come

   Ford. 'Pray you come nere: if I suspect without cause,
Why then make sport at me, then let me be your iest,
I deserue it: How now? Whether beare you this?
  Ser. To the Landresse forsooth?
  M.Ford. Why, what haue you to doe whether they
beare it? You were best meddle with buck-washing

Ford. Buck? I would I could wash my selfe of y Buck:Bucke, bucke, bucke, I bucke: I warrant you Bucke,And of the season too; it shall appeare.Gentlemen, I haue dream'd to night, Ile tell you mydreame: heere, heere, heere bee my keyes, ascend myChambers, search, seeke, finde out: Ile warrant wee'levnkennell the Fox. Let me stop this way first: so, nowvncape

   Page. Good master Ford, be contented:
You wrong your selfe too much

   Ford. True (master Page) vp Gentlemen,
You shall see sport anon:
Follow me Gentlemen

Euans. This is fery fantasticall humors and iealousies

   Caius. By gar, 'tis no-the fashion of France:
It is not iealous in France

   Page. Nay follow him (Gentlemen) see the yssue of
his search

   Mist.Page. Is there not a double excellency in this?
  Mist.Ford. I know not which pleases me better,
That my husband is deceiued, or Sir Iohn

Mist.Page. What a taking was hee in, when yourhusband askt who was in the basket? Mist.Ford. I am halfe affraid he will haue neede ofwashing: so throwing him into the water, will doe hima benefit

Mist.Page. Hang him dishonest rascall: I would allof the same straine, were in the same distresse

Mist.Ford. I thinke my husband hath some speciallsuspition of Falstaffs being heere: for I neuer saw him sogrosse in his iealousie till now

Mist.Page. I will lay a plot to try that, and wee willyet haue more trickes with Falstaffe: his dissolute diseasewill scarse obey this medicine

Mis.Ford. Shall we send that foolishion Carion, Mist[ris].Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into the water,and giue him another hope, to betray him to anotherpunishment? Mist.Page. We will do it: let him be sent for to morroweight a clocke to haue amends

   Ford. I cannot finde him: may be the knaue bragg'd
of that he could not compasse

   Mis.Page. Heard you that?
  Mis.Ford. You vse me well, M[aster]. Ford? Do you?
  Ford. I, I do so

   M.Ford. Heauen make you better then your thoghts
  Ford. Amen

   Mi.Page. You do your selfe mighty wrong (M[aster]. Ford)
  Ford. I, I: I must beare it

Eu. If there be any pody in the house, & in the chambers,and in the coffers, and in the presses: heauen forgiuemy sins at the day of iudgement

Caius. Be gar, nor I too: there is no-bodies

Page. Fy, fy, M[aster]. Ford, are you not asham'd? What spirit,what diuell suggests this imagination? I wold not hayour distemper in this kind, for y welth of Windsor castle

Ford. 'Tis my fault (M[aster]. Page) I suffer for it

Euans. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife isas honest a o'mans, as I will desires among fiue thousand,and fiue hundred too

Cai. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman

Ford. Well, I promisd you a dinner: come, come, walkin the Parke, I pray you pardon me: I wil hereafter makeknowne to you why I haue done this. Come wife, comeMi[stris]. Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray hartly pardon me

Page. Let's go in Gentlemen, but (trust me) we'l mockhim: I doe inuite you to morrow morning to my houseto breakfast: after we'll a Birding together, I haue a fineHawke for the bush. Shall it be so: Ford. Any thing

   Eu. If there is one, I shall make two in the Companie
  Ca. If there be one, or two, I shall make-a-theturd

Ford. Pray you go, M[aster]. Page

Eua. I pray you now remembrance to morrow on thelowsie knaue, mine Host

Cai. Dat is good by gar, withall my heart

Eua. A lowsie knaue, to haue his gibes, and his mockeries.

Exeunt.

Scoena Quarta.

Enter Fenton, Anne, Page, Shallow, Slender, Quickly, Page,
Mist.Page.

  Fen. I see I cannot get thy Fathers loue,
Therefore no more turne me to him (sweet Nan.)
  Anne. Alas, how then?
  Fen. Why thou must be thy selfe.
He doth obiect, I am too great of birth,
And that my state being gall'd with my expence,
I seeke to heale it onely by his wealth.
Besides these, other barres he layes before me,
My Riots past, my wilde Societies,
And tels me 'tis a thing impossible
I should loue thee, but as a property

   An. May be he tels you true.
No, heauen so speed me in my time to come,
Albeit I will confesse, thy Fathers wealth
Was the first motiue that I woo'd thee (Anne:)
Yet wooing thee, I found thee of more valew
Then stampes in Gold, or summes in sealed bagges:
And 'tis the very riches of thy selfe,
That now I ayme at

   An. Gentle M[aster]. Fenton,
Yet seeke my Fathers loue, still seeke it sir,
If opportunity and humblest suite
Cannot attaine it, why then harke you hither

   Shal. Breake their talke Mistris Quickly.
My Kinsman shall speake for himselfe

Slen. Ile make a shaft or a bolt on't, slid, tis but venturing

Shal. Be not dismaid

   Slen. No, she shall not dismay me:
I care not for that, but that I am affeard

   Qui. Hark ye, M[aster]. Slender would speak a word with you
  An. I come to him. This is my Fathers choice:
O what a world of vilde ill-fauour'd faults
Lookes handsome in three hundred pounds a yeere?
  Qui. And how do's good Master Fenton?
Pray you a word with you

   Shal. Shee's comming; to her Coz:
O boy, thou hadst a father

Slen. I had a father (M[istris]. An) my vncle can tel you goodiests of him: pray you Vncle, tel Mist[ris]. Anne the iest howmy Father stole two Geese out of a Pen, good Vnckle

Shal. Mistris Anne, my Cozen loues you

Slen. I that I do, as well as I loue any woman in Glocestershire

Shal. He will maintaine you like a Gentlewoman

   Slen. I that I will, come cut and long-taile, vnder the
degree of a Squire

   Shal. He will make you a hundred and fiftie pounds
ioynture

Anne. Good Maister Shallow let him woo for himselfe

Shal. Marrie I thanke you for it: I thanke you forthat good comfort: she cals you (Coz) Ile leaue you

Anne. Now Master Slender

Slen. Now good Mistris Anne

Anne. What is your will? Slen. My will? Odd's-hartlings, that's a prettieiest indeede: I ne're made my Will yet (I thanke Heauen:)I am not such a sickely creature, I giue Heauenpraise

Anne. I meane (M[aster]. Slender) what wold you with me? Slen. Truely, for mine owne part, I would little ornothing with you: your father and my vncle hath mademotions: if it be my lucke, so; if not, happy man bee hisdole, they can tell you how things go, better then I can:you may aske your father, heere he comes

   Page. Now Mr Slender; Loue him daughter Anne.
Why how now? What does Mr Fenten here?
You wrong me Sir, thus still to haunt my house.
I told you Sir, my daughter is disposd of

Fen. Nay Mr Page, be not impatient

Mist.Page. Good M[aster]. Fenton, come not to my child

Page. She is no match for you

   Fen. Sir, will you heare me?
  Page. No, good M[aster]. Fenton.
Come M[aster]. Shallow: Come sonne Slender, in;
Knowing my minde, you wrong me (M[aster]. Fenton.)
  Qui. Speake to Mistris Page

   Fen. Good Mist[ris]. Page, for that I loue your daughter
In such a righteous fashion as I do,
Perforce, against all checkes, rebukes, and manners,
I must aduance the colours of my loue,
And not retire. Let me haue your good will

An. Good mother, do not marry me to yond foole

Mist.Page. I meane it not, I seeke you a better husband

Qui. That's my master, M[aster]. Doctor

   An. Alas I had rather be set quick i'th earth,
And bowl'd to death with Turnips

   Mist.Page. Come, trouble not your selfe good M[aster].
Fenton, I will not be your friend, nor enemy:
My daughter will I question how she loues you,
And as I finde her, so am I affected:
Till then, farewell Sir, she must needs go in,
Her father will be angry

Fen. Farewell gentle Mistris: farewell Nan

Qui. This is my doing now: Nay, saide I, will youcast away your childe on a Foole, and a Physitian:Looke on M[aster]. Fenton, this is my doing

   Fen. I thanke thee: and I pray thee once to night,
Giue my sweet Nan this Ring: there's for thy paines

Qui. Now heauen send thee good fortune, a kindeheart he hath: a woman would run through fire & waterfor such a kinde heart. But yet, I would my Maisterhad Mistris Anne, or I would M[aster]. Slender had her: or (insooth) I would M[aster]. Fenton had her; I will do what I canfor them all three, for so I haue promisd, and Ile bee asgood as my word, but speciously for M[aster]. Fenton. Well, Imust of another errand to Sir Iohn Falstaffe from my twoMistresses: what a beast am I to slacke it.

Exeunt.

Scena Quinta.

Enter Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Quickly, Ford.

Fal. Bardolfe I say

Bar. Heere Sir

Fal. Go, fetch me a quart of Sacke, put a tost in't.Haue I liu'd to be carried in a Basket like a barrow ofbutchers Offall? and to be throwne in the Thames? Wel,if I be seru'd such another tricke, Ile haue my braines'tane out and butter'd, and giue them to a dogge for aNew-yeares gift. The rogues slighted me into the riuerwith as little remorse, as they would haue drown'de ablinde bitches Puppies, fifteene i'th litter: and you mayknow by my size, that I haue a kinde of alacrity in sinking:if the bottome were as deepe as hell, I shold down.I had beene drown'd, but that the shore was sheluy andshallow: a death that I abhorre: for the water swelles aman; and what a thing should I haue beene, when Ihad beene swel'd? I should haue beene a Mountaine ofMummie

Bar. Here's M[istris]. Quickly Sir to speake with you

Fal. Come, let me poure in some Sack to the Thameswater: for my bellies as cold as if I had swallow'd snowbals,for pilles to coole the reines. Call her in

Bar. Come in woman

   Qui. By your leaue: I cry you mercy?
Giue your worship good morrow

   Fal. Take away these Challices:
Go, brew me a pottle of Sacke finely

   Bard. With Egges, Sir?
  Fal. Simple of it selfe: Ile no Pullet-Spersme in my
brewage. How now?
  Qui. Marry Sir, I come to your worship from M[istris]. Ford

   Fal. Mist[ris]. Ford? I haue had Ford enough: I was thrown
into the Ford; I haue my belly full of Ford

Qui. Alas the day, (good-heart) that was not herfault: she do's so take on with her men; they mistooketheir erection

Fal. So did I mine, to build vpon a foolish Womans promise

Qui. Well, she laments Sir for it, that it would yernyour heart to see it: her husband goes this morning abirding; she desires you once more to come to her, betweeneeight and nine: I must carry her word quickely,she'll make you amends I warrant you

Fal. Well, I will visit her, tell her so: and bidde herthinke what a man is: Let her consider his frailety, andthen iudge of my merit

Qui. I will tell her

   Fal. Do so. Betweene nine and ten saist thou?
  Qui. Eight and nine Sir

Fal. Well, be gone: I will not misse her

Qui. Peace be with you Sir

Fal. I meruaile I heare not of Mr Broome: he sent meword to stay within: I like his money well.Oh, heere he comes

Ford. Blesse you Sir

   Fal. Now M[aster]. Broome, you come to know
What hath past betweene me, and Fords wife

Ford. That indeed (Sir Iohn) is my businesse

   Fal. M[aster]. Broome I will not lye to you,
I was at her house the houre she appointed me

   Ford. And sped you Sir?
  Fal. Very ill-fauouredly M[aster]. Broome

Ford. How so sir, did she change her determination? Fal. No (M[aster]. Broome) but the peaking Curnuto her husband(M[aster]. Broome) dwelling in a continual larum of ielousie,coms me in the instant of our encounter, after we hadembrast, kist, protested, & (as it were) spoke the prologueof our Comedy: and at his heeles, a rabble of his companions,thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper,and (forsooth) to serch his house for his wiues Loue

   Ford. What? While you were there?
  Fal. While I was there

For. And did he search for you, & could not find you? Fal. You shall heare. As good lucke would haue it,comes in one Mist[ris]. Page, giues intelligence of Fords approch:and in her inuention, and Fords wiues distraction,they conuey'd me into a bucke-basket

   Ford. A Buck-basket?
  Fal. Yes: a Buck-basket: ram'd mee in with foule
Shirts and Smockes, Socks, foule Stockings, greasie
Napkins, that (Master Broome) there was the rankest
compound of villanous smell, that euer offended nostrill

Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall heare (Master Broome) what Ihaue sufferd, to bring this woman to euill, for yourgood: Being thus cram'd in the Basket, a couple ofFords knaues, his Hindes, were cald forth by their Mistris,to carry mee in the name of foule Cloathes toDatchet-lane: they tooke me on their shoulders: metthe iealous knaue their Master in the doore; whoask'd them once or twice what they had in their Basket?I quak'd for feare least the Lunatique Knauewould haue search'd it: but Fate (ordaining he shouldbe a Cuckold) held his hand: well, on went hee, fora search, and away went I for foule Cloathes: Butmarke the sequell (Master Broome) I suffered the pangsof three seuerall deaths: First, an intollerable fright,to be detected with a iealious rotten Bell-weather:Next to be compass'd like a good Bilbo in the circumferenceof a Pecke, hilt to point, heele to head. Andthen to be stopt in like a strong distillation with stinkingCloathes, that fretted in their owne grease:thinke of that, a man of my Kidney; thinke of that,that am as subiect to heate as butter; a man of continualldissolution, and thaw: it was a miracle to scapesuffocation. And in the height of this Bath (when Iwas more then halfe stew'd in grease (like a Dutch-dish)to be throwne into the Thames, andcoold, glowing-hot, in that serge like a Horse-shoo;thinke of that; hissing hot: thinke of that (MasterBroome.) Ford. In good sadnesse Sir, I am sorry, that for my sakeyou haue sufferd all this.My suite then is desperate: You'll vndertake her nomore? Fal. Master Broome: I will be throwne into Etna,as I haue beene into Thames, ere I will leaue her thus;her Husband is this morning gone a Birding: Ihaue receiued from her another ambassie of meeting:'twixt eight and nine is the houre (MasterBroome.) Ford. 'Tis past eight already Sir

Fal. Is it? I will then addresse mee to my appointment:Come to mee at your conuenient leisure, andyou shall know how I speede: and the conclusionshall be crowned with your enioying her: adiew: youshall haue her (Master Broome) Master Broome, you shallcuckold Ford

Ford. Hum: ha? Is this a vision? Is this a dreame?doe I sleepe? Master Ford awake, awake Master Ford:ther's a hole made in your best coate (Master Ford:) this'tis to be married; this 'tis to haue Lynnen, and Buckbaskets:Well, I will proclaime my selfe what I am:I will now take the Leacher: hee is at my house: heecannot scape me: 'tis impossible hee should: hee cannotcreepe into a halfe-penny purse, nor into a PepperBoxe:But least the Diuell that guides him, shouldaide him, I will search impossible places: thoughwhat I am, I cannot auoide; yet to be what I wouldnot, shall not make me tame: If I haue hornes, to makeone mad, let the prouerbe goe with me, Ile be hornemad.

Exeunt.

Actus Quartus. Scoena Prima.

Enter Mistris Page, Quickly, William, Euans.

  Mist.Pag. Is he at M[aster]. Fords already think'st thou?
  Qui. Sure he is by this; or will be presently; but
truely he is very couragious mad, about his throwing
into the water. Mistris Ford desires you to come sodainely

Mist.Pag. Ile be with her by and by: Ile but bringmy yong-man here to Schoole: looke where his Mastercomes; 'tis a playing day I see: how now Sir Hugh, noSchoole to day? Eua. No: Master Slender is let the Boyes leaue to play

Qui 'Blessing of his heart

Mist.Pag. Sir Hugh, my husband saies my sonne profitsnothing in the world at his Booke: I pray you askehim some questions in his Accidence

Eu. Come hither William; hold vp your head; come

   Mist.Pag. Come-on Sirha; hold vp your head; answere
your Master, be not afraid

   Eua. William, how many Numbers is in Nownes?
  Will. Two

   Qui. Truely, I thought there had bin one Number
more, because they say od's-Nownes

   Eua. Peace, your tatlings. What is (Faire) William?
  Will. Pulcher

   Qu. Powlcats? there are fairer things then Powlcats,
sure

   Eua. You are a very simplicity o'man: I pray you
peace. What is (Lapis) William?
  Will. A Stone

   Eua. And what is a Stone (William?)
  Will. A Peeble

   Eua. No; it is Lapis: I pray you remember in your
praine

Will. Lapis

   Eua. That is a good William: what is he (William) that
do's lend Articles

   Will. Articles are borrowed of the Pronoune; and be
thus declined. Singulariter nominatiuo hic, haec, hoc

   Eua. Nominatiuo hig, hag, hog: pray you marke: genitiuo
huius: Well: what is your Accusatiue-case?
  Will. Accusatiuo hinc

   Eua. I pray you haue your remembrance (childe) Accusatiuo
hing, hang, hog

Qu. Hang-hog, is latten for Bacon, I warrant you

   Eua. Leaue your prables (o'man) What is the Focatiue
case (William?)
  Will. O, Vocatiuo, O

Eua. Remember William, Focatiue, is caret

Qu. And that's a good roote

Eua. O'man, forbeare

Mist.Pag. Peace

   Eua. What is your Genitiue case plurall (William?)
  Will. Genitiue case?
  Eua. I

Will. Genitiue horum, harum, horum

Qu. 'Vengeance of Ginyes case; fie on her; neuername her (childe) if she be a whore

Eua. For shame o'man

Qu. You doe ill to teach the childe such words: heeteaches him to hic, and to hac; which they'll doe fastenough of themselues, and to call horum; fie vpon you

Euans. O'man, art thou Lunatics? Hast thou no vnderstandingsfor thy Cases, & the numbers of the Genders?Thou art as foolish Christian creatures, as I woulddesires

Mi.Page. Pre'thee hold thy peace

   Eu. Shew me now (William) some declensions of your
Pronounes

Will. Forsooth, I haue forgot

Eu. It is Qui, que, quod; if you forget your Quies,your Ques, and your Quods, you must be preeches: Goeyour waies and play, go

M.Pag. He is a better scholler then I thought he was

Eu. He is a good sprag-memory: Farewel Mis[tris]. Page

   Mis.Page. Adieu good Sir Hugh:
Get you home boy, Come we stay too long.

Exeunt.

Scena Secunda.

Enter Falstoffe, Mist.Ford, Mist.Page, Seruants, Ford, Page, Caius,
Euans,
Shallow.

Fal. Mi[stris]. Ford, Your sorrow hath eaten vp my sufferance;I see you are obsequious in your loue, and I professerequitall to a haires bredth, not onely Mist[ris]. Ford,in the simple office of loue, but in all the accustrement,complement, and ceremony of it: But are you sure ofyour husband now? Mis.Ford. Hee's a birding (sweet Sir Iohn.) Mis.Page. What hoa, gossip Ford: what hoa

Mis.Ford. Step into th' chamber, Sir Iohn

   Mis.Page. How now (sweete heart) whose at home
besides your selfe?
  Mis.Ford. Why none but mine owne people

   Mis.Page. Indeed?
  Mis.Ford. No certainly: Speake louder

Mist.Pag. Truly, I am so glad you haue no body here

Mist.Ford. Why? Mis.Page. Why woman, your husband is in his oldelines againe: he so takes on yonder with my husband, sorailes against all married mankinde; so curses all Euesdaughters, of what complexion soeuer; and so buffetteshimselfe on the for-head: crying peere-out, peere-out,that any madnesse I euer yet beheld, seem'd but tamenesse,ciuility, and patience to this his distemper he is innow: I am glad the fat Knight is not heere

Mist.Ford. Why, do's he talke of him? Mist.Page. Of none but him, and sweares he was cariedout the last time hee search'd for him, in a Basket:Protests to my husband he is now heere, & hath drawnehim and the rest of their company from their sport, tomake another experiment of his suspition: But I am gladthe Knight is not heere; now he shall see his owne foolerie

   Mist.Ford. How neere is he Mistris Page?
  Mist.Pag. Hard by, at street end; he wil be here anon

Mist.Ford. I am vndone, the Knight is heere

Mist.Page. Why then you are vtterly sham'd, & hee'sbut a dead man. What a woman are you? Away withhim, away with him: Better shame, then murther

Mist.Ford. Which way should he go? How should Ibestow him? Shall I put him into the basket againe? Fal. No, Ile come no more i'th Basket:May I not go out ere he come? Mist.Page. Alas: three of Mr. Fords brothers watchthe doore with Pistols, that none shall issue out: otherwiseyou might slip away ere hee came: But what makeyou heere? Fal. What shall I do? Ile creepe vp into the chimney

   Mist.Ford. There they alwaies vse to discharge their
Birding-peeces: creepe into the Kill-hole

Fal. Where is it? Mist.Ford. He will seeke there on my word: NeytherPresse, Coffer, Chest, Trunke, Well, Vault, but he hathan abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goesto them by his Note: There is no hiding you in thehouse

Fal. Ile go out then

   Mist.Ford. If you goe out in your owne semblance,
you die Sir Iohn, vnlesse you go out disguis'd

   Mist.Ford. How might we disguise him?
  Mist.Page. Alas the day I know not, there is no womans
gowne bigge enough for him: otherwise he might
put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchiefe, and so escape

   Fal. Good hearts, deuise something: any extremitie,
rather then a mischiefe

   Mist.Ford. My Maids Aunt the fat woman of Brainford,
has a gowne aboue

Mist.Page. On my word it will serue him: shee's asbig as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her mufflertoo: run vp Sir Iohn

   Mist.Ford. Go, go, sweet Sir Iohn: Mistris Page and
I will looke some linnen for your head

   Mist.Page. Quicke, quicke, wee'le come dresse you
straight: put on the gowne the while

Mist.Ford. I would my husband would meete himin this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brainford;he sweares she's a witch, forbad her my house, andhath threatned to beate her

   Mist.Page. Heauen guide him to thy husbands cudgell:
and the diuell guide his cudgell afterwards

   Mist.Ford. But is my husband comming?
  Mist.Page. I in good sadnesse is he, and talkes of the
basket too, howsoeuer he hath had intelligence

Mist.Ford. Wee'l try that: for Ile appoint my men tocarry the basket againe, to meete him at the doore withit, as they did last time

Mist.Page. Nay, but hee'l be heere presently: let's godresse him like the witch of Brainford

Mist.Ford. Ile first direct my men, what theyshall doe with the basket: Goe vp, Ile bring linnen forhim straight

   Mist.Page. Hang him dishonest Varlet,
We cannot misuse enough:
We'll leaue a proofe by that which we will doo,
Wiues may be merry, and yet honest too:
We do not acte that often, iest, and laugh,
'Tis old, but true, Still Swine eats all the draugh

Mist.Ford. Go Sirs, take the basket againe on yourshoulders: your Master is hard at doore: if hee bid youset it downe, obey him: quickly, dispatch

1 Ser. Come, come, take it vp

2 Ser. Pray heauen it be not full of Knight againe

1 Ser. I hope not, I had liefe as beare so much lead

Ford. I, but if it proue true (Mr. Page) haue you anyway then to vnfoole me againe. Set downe the basketvillaine: some body call my wife: Youth in a basket:Oh you Panderly Rascals, there's a knot: a gin, a packe,a conspiracie against me: Now shall the diuel be sham'd.What wife I say: Come, come forth: behold what honestcloathes you send forth to bleaching

   Page. Why, this passes M[aster]. Ford: you are not to goe
loose any longer, you must be pinnion'd

   Euans. Why, this is Lunaticks: this is madde, as a
mad dogge

Shall. Indeed M[aster]. Ford, this is not well indeed

Ford. So say I too Sir, come hither Mistris Ford, MistrisFord, the honest woman, the modest wife, the vertuouscreature, that hath the iealious foole to her husband:I suspect without cause (Mistris) do I? Mist.Ford. Heauen be my witnesse you doe, if yoususpect me in any dishonesty

Ford. Well said Brazon-face, hold it out: Come forthsirrah

Page. This passes

Mist.Ford. Are you not asham'd, let the cloths alone

Ford. I shall finde you anon

Eua. 'Tis vnreasonable; will you take vp your wiuescloathes? Come, away

Ford. Empty the basket I say

M.Ford. Why man, why? Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conuay'dout of my house yesterday in this basket: whymay not he be there againe, in my house I am sure he is:my Intelligence is true, my iealousie is reasonable, pluckme out all the linnen

Mist.Ford. If you find a man there, he shall dye a Fleasdeath

Page. Heer's no man

   Shal. By my fidelity this is not well Mr. Ford: This
wrongs you

   Euans. Mr Ford, you must pray, and not follow the
imaginations of your owne heart: this is iealousies

Ford. Well, hee's not heere I seeke for

Page. No, nor no where else but in your braine

Ford. Helpe to search my house this one time: if I findnot what I seeke, shew no colour for my extremity: Letme for euer be your Table-sport: Let them say of me, asiealous as Ford, that search'd a hollow Wall-nut for hiswiues Lemman. Satisfie me once more, once more serchwith me

M.Ford. What hoa (Mistris Page,) come you andthe old woman downe: my husband will come into theChamber

   Ford. Old woman? what old womans that?
  M.Ford. Why it is my maids Aunt of Brainford

Ford. A witch, a Queane, an olde couzening queane:Haue I not forbid her my house. She comes of errandsdo's she? We are simple men, wee doe not know what'sbrought to passe vnder the profession of Fortune-telling.She workes by Charmes, by Spels, by th' Figure, & suchdawbry as this is, beyond our Element: wee know nothing.Come downe you Witch, you Hagge you, comedowne I say

   Mist.Ford. Nay, good sweet husband, good Gentlemen,
let him strike the old woman

   Mist.Page. Come mother Prat, Come giue me your
hand

Ford. Ile Prat-her: Out of my doore, you Witch,you Ragge, you Baggage, you Poulcat, you Runnion,out, out: Ile coniure you, Ile fortune-tell you

   Mist.Page. Are you not asham'd?
I thinke you haue kill'd the poore woman

   Mist.Ford. Nay he will do it, 'tis a goodly credite
for you

Ford. Hang her witch

Eua. By yea, and no, I thinke the o'man is a witch indeede:I like not when a o'man has a great peard; I spiea great peard vnder his muffler

Ford. Will you follow Gentlemen, I beseech you follow:see but the issue of my iealousie: If I cry out thusvpon no traile, neuer trust me when I open againe

   Page. Let's obey his humour a little further:
Come Gentlemen

Mist.Page. Trust me he beate him most pittifully

   Mist.Ford. Nay by th' Masse that he did not: he beate
him most vnpittifully, me thought

   Mist.Page. Ile haue the cudgell hallow'd, and hung
ore the Altar, it hath done meritorious seruice

Mist.Ford. What thinke you? May we with the warrantof woman-hood, and the witnesse of a good conscience,pursue him with any further reuenge? M.Page. The spirit of wantonnesse is sure scar'd outof him, if the diuell haue him not in fee-simple, withfine and recouery, he will neuer (I thinke) in the way ofwaste, attempt vs againe

Mist.Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how wee haueseru'd him? Mist.Page. Yes, by all meanes: if it be but to scrapethe figures out of your husbands braines: if they can findin their hearts, the poore vnuertuous fat Knight shall beany further afflicted, wee two will still bee the ministers

Mist.Ford. Ile warrant, they'l haue him publiquelysham'd, and me thinkes there would be no period to theiest, should he not be publikely sham'd

   Mist.Page. Come, to the Forge with it, then shape it:
I would not haue things coole.

Exeunt.

Scena Tertia.

Enter Host and Bardolfe.

Bar. Sir, the Germane desires to haue three of yourhorses: the Duke himselfe will be to morrow at Court,and they are going to meet him

   Host. What Duke should that be comes so secretly?
I heare not of him in the Court: let mee speake with the
Gentlemen, they speake English?
  Bar. I Sir? Ile call him to you

Host. They shall haue my horses, but Ile make thempay: Ile sauce them, they haue had my houses a week atcommaund: I haue turn'd away my other guests, theymust come off, Ile sawce them, come.

Exeunt.

Scena Quarta.

Enter Page, Ford, Mistris Page, Mistris Ford, and Euans.

  Eua. 'Tis one of the best discretions of a o'man as euer
I did looke vpon

   Page. And did he send you both these Letters at an
instant?
  Mist.Page. Within a quarter of an houre

   Ford. Pardon me (wife) henceforth do what y wilt:
I rather will suspect the Sunne with gold,
Then thee with wantonnes: Now doth thy honor stand
(In him that was of late an Heretike)
As firme as faith

   Page. 'Tis well, 'tis well, no more:
Be not as extreme in submission, as in offence,
But let our plot go forward: Let our wiues
Yet once againe (to make vs publike sport)
Appoint a meeting with this old fat-fellow,
Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it

Ford. There is no better way then that they spoke of

Page. How? to send him word they'll meete him inthe Parke at midnight? Fie, fie, he'll neuer come

Eu. You say he has bin throwne in the Riuers: andhas bin greeuously peaten, as an old o'man: me-thinkesthere should be terrors in him, that he should not come:Me-thinkes his flesh is punish'd, hee shall haue no desires

Page. So thinke I too

   M.Ford. Deuise but how you'l vse him whe[n] he comes,
And let vs two deuise to bring him thether

   Mis.Page. There is an old tale goes, that Herne the
Hunter (sometime a keeper heere in Windsor Forrest)
Doth all the winter time, at still midnight
Walke round about an Oake, with great rag'd-hornes,
And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,
And make milch-kine yeeld blood, and shakes a chaine
In a most hideous and dreadfull manner.
You haue heard of such a Spirit, and well you know
The superstitious idle-headed-Eld
Receiu'd, and did deliuer to our age
This tale of Herne the Hunter, for a truth

   Page. Why yet there want not many that do feare
In deepe of night to walke by this Hernes Oake:
But what of this?
  Mist.Ford. Marry this is our deuise,
That Falstaffe at that Oake shall meete with vs

   Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come,
And in this shape, when you haue brought him thether,
What shall be done with him? What is your plot?
  Mist.Pa. That likewise haue we thoght vpon: & thus:
Nan Page (my daughter) and my little sonne,
And three or foure more of their growth, wee'l dresse
Like Vrchins, Ouphes, and Fairies, greene and white,
With rounds of waxen Tapers on their heads,
And rattles in their hands; vpon a sodaine,
As Falstaffe, she, and I, are newly met,
Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at once
With some diffused song: Vpon their sight
We two, in great amazednesse will flye:
Then let them all encircle him about,
And Fairy-like to pinch the vncleane Knight;
And aske him why that houre of Fairy Reuell,
In their so sacred pathes, he dares to tread
In shape prophane

   Ford. And till he tell the truth,
Let the supposed Fairies pinch him, sound,
And burne him with their Tapers

   Mist.Page. The truth being knowne,
We'll all present our selues; dis-horne the spirit,
And mocke him home to Windsor

   Ford. The children must
Be practis'd well to this, or they'll neu'r doo't

Eua. I will teach the children their behauiours: and Iwill be like a Iacke-an-Apes also, to burne the Knightwith my Taber

   Ford. That will be excellent,
Ile go buy them vizards

   Mist.Page. My Nan shall be the Queene of all the
Fairies, finely attired in a robe of white

   Page. That silke will I go buy, and in that time
Shall M[aster]. Slender steale my Nan away,
And marry her at Eaton: go, send to Falstaffe straight

   Ford. Nay, Ile to him againe in name of Broome,
Hee'l tell me all his purpose: sure hee'l come

   Mist.Page. Feare not you that: Go get vs properties
And tricking for our Fayries

   Euans. Let vs about it,
It is admirable pleasures, and ferry honest knaueries

   Mis.Page. Go Mist[ris]. Ford,
Send quickly to Sir Iohn, to know his minde:
Ile to the Doctor, he hath my good will,
And none but he to marry with Nan Page:
That Slender (though well landed) is an Ideot:
And he, my husband best of all affects:
The Doctor is well monied, and his friends
Potent at Court: he, none but he shall haue her,
Though twenty thousand worthier come to craue her.

Scena Quinta.

Enter Host, Simple, Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Euans, Caius, Quickly.

Host. What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thickskin) speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke,snap

Simp. Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir Iohn Falstaffefrom M[aster]. Slender

Host. There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle,his standing-bed and truckle-bed: 'tis painted aboutwith the story of the Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knockand call: hee'l speake like an Anthropophaginian vntothee: Knocke I say

Simp. There's an olde woman, a fat woman gone vpinto his chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she comedowne: I come to speake with her indeed

   Host. Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb'd:
Ile call. Bully-Knight, Bully Sir Iohn: speake from thy
Lungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine
Ephesian cals

Fal. How now, mine Host? Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar taries the commingdowne of thy fat-woman: Let her descend (Bully) lether descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie, priuacy?Fie

Fal. There was (mine Host) an old-fat-woman euennow with me, but she's gone

Simp. Pray you Sir, was't not the Wise-woman ofBrainford? Fal. I marry was it (Mussel-shell) what would youwith her? Simp. My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to herseeing her go thorough the streets, to know (Sir) whetherone Nim (Sir) that beguil'd him of a chaine, had thechaine, or no

Fal. I spake with the old woman about it

   Sim. And what sayes she, I pray Sir?
  Fal. Marry shee sayes, that the very same man that
beguil'd Master Slender of his Chaine, cozon'd him of it

Simp. I would I could haue spoken with the Womanher selfe, I had other things to haue spoken with hertoo, from him

Fal. What are they? let vs know

Host. I: come: quicke

   Fal. I may not conceale them (Sir.)
  Host. Conceale them, or thou di'st

Sim. Why sir, they were nothing but about MistrisAnne Page, to know if it were my Masters fortune tohaue her, or no

Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune

   Sim. What Sir?
  Fal. To haue her, or no: goe; say the woman told
me so

   Sim. May I be bold to say so Sir?
  Fal. I Sir: like who more bold

   Sim. I thanke your worship: I shall make my Master
glad with these tydings

Host. Thou art clearkly: thou art clearkly (Sir Iohn)was there a wise woman with thee? Fal. I that there was (mine Host) one that hath taughtme more wit, then euer I learn'd before in my life: andI paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning

Bar. Out alas (Sir) cozonage: meere cozonage

Host. Where be my horses? speake well of them varletto

Bar. Run away with the cozoners: for so soone asI came beyond Eaton, they threw me off, from behindeone of them, in a slough of myre; and set spurres, andaway; like three Germane-diuels; three Doctor Faustasses

Host. They are gone but to meete the Duke (villaine)doe not say they be fled: Germanes are honest men

Euan. Where is mine Host? Host. What is the matter Sir? Euan. Haue a care of your entertainments: there is afriend of mine come to Towne, tels mee there is threeCozen-Iermans, that has cozend all the Hosts of Reading,of Maidenhead; of Cole-brooke, of horses and money: Itell you for good will (looke you) you are wise, and fullof gibes, and vlouting-stocks: and 'tis not conuenientyou should be cozoned. Fare you well

   Cai. Ver' is mine Host de Iarteere?
  Host. Here (Master Doctor) in perplexitie, and doubtfull
delemma

Cai. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a-me, datyou make grand preparation for a Duke de Iamanie: bymy trot: der is no Duke that the Court is know, tocome: I tell you for good will: adieu

Host. Huy and cry, (villaine) goe: assist me Knight, Iam vndone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villaine) I am vndone

Fal. I would all the world might be cozond, for Ihaue beene cozond and beaten too: if it should cometo the eare of the Court, how I haue beene transformed;and how my transformation hath beene washd, andcudgeld, they would melt mee out of my fat drop bydrop, and liquor Fishermens-boots with me: I warrantthey would whip me with their fine wits, till I were ascrest-falne as a dride-peare: I neuer prosper'd, since Iforswore my selfe at Primero: well, if my winde werebut long enough; I would repent: Now? Whence comeyou? Qui. From the two parties forsooth

Fal. The Diuell take one partie, and his Dam theother: and so they shall be both bestowed; I haue suffer'dmore for their sakes; more then the villanous inconstancyof mans disposition is able to beare

Qui. And haue not they suffer'd? Yes, I warrant; speciouslyone of them; Mistris Ford (good heart) is beatenblacke and blew, that you cannot see a white spot abouther

Fal. What tell'st thou mee of blacke, and blew? Iwas beaten my selfe into all the colours of the Rainebow:and I was like to be apprehended for the Witchof Braineford, but that my admirable dexteritie of wit,my counterfeiting the action of an old woman deliuer'dme, the knaue Constable had set me ith' Stocks, ith' commonStocks, for a Witch

Qu, Sir: let me speake with you in your Chamber,you shall heare how things goe, and (I warrant) to yourcontent: here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good-hearts)what adoe here is to bring you together? Sure,one of you do's not serue heauen well, that you are socross'd

Fal. Come vp into my Chamber.

Exeunt.

Scena Sexta.

Enter Fenton, Host.

  Host. Master Fenton, talke not to mee, my minde is
heauy: I will giue ouer all

   Fen. Yet heare me speake: assist me in my purpose,
And (as I am a gentleman) ile giue thee
A hundred pound in gold, more then your losse

   Host. I will heare you (Master Fenton) and I will (at
the least) keepe your counsell

   Fen. From time to time, I haue acquainted you
With the deare loue I beare to faire Anne Page,
Who, mutually, hath answer'd my affection,
(So farre forth, as her selfe might be her chooser)
Euen to my wish; I haue a letter from her
Of such contents, as you will wonder at;
The mirth whereof, so larded with my matter,
That neither (singly) can be manifested
Without the shew of both: fat Falstaffe
Hath a great Scene; the image of the iest
Ile show you here at large (harke good mine Host:)
To night at Hernes-Oke, iust 'twixt twelue and one,
Must my sweet Nan present the Faerie-Queene:
The purpose why, is here: in which disguise
While other Iests are something ranke on foote,
Her father hath commanded her to slip
Away with Slender, and with him, at Eaton
Immediately to Marry: She hath consented: Now Sir,
Her Mother, (euen strong against that match
And firme for Doctor Caius) hath appointed
That he shall likewise shuffle her away,
While other sports are tasking of their mindes,
And at the Deanry, where a Priest attends
Strait marry her: to this her Mothers plot
She seemingly obedient) likewise hath
Made promise to the Doctor: Now, thus it rests,
Her Father meanes she shall be all in white;
And in that habit, when Slender sees his time
To take her by the hand, and bid her goe,
She shall goe with him: her Mother hath intended
(The better to deuote her to the Doctor;
For they must all be mask'd, and vizarded)
That quaint in greene, she shall be loose en-roab'd,
With Ribonds-pendant, flaring 'bout her head;
And when the Doctor spies his vantage ripe,
To pinch her by the hand, and on that token,
The maid hath giuen consent to go with him

Host. Which meanes she to deceiue? Father, or Mother

   Fen. Both (my good Host) to go along with me:
And heere it rests, that you'l procure the Vicar
To stay for me at Church, 'twixt twelue, and one,
And in the lawfull name of marrying,
To giue our hearts vnited ceremony

   Host. Well, husband your deuice; Ile to the Vicar,
Bring you the Maid, you shall not lacke a Priest

   Fen. So shall I euermore be bound to thee;
Besides, Ile make a present recompence.

Exeunt.

Actus Quintus. Scoena Prima.

Enter Falstoffe, Quickly, and Ford.

Fal. Pre'thee no more pratling: go, Ile hold, this isthe third time: I hope good lucke lies in odde numbers:Away, go, they say there is Diuinity in odde Numbers,either in natiuity, chance, or death: away

Qui. Ile prouide you a chaine, and Ile do what I canto get you a paire of hornes

Fall. Away I say, time weares, hold vp your head &mince. How now M[aster]. Broome? Master Broome, the matterwill be knowne to night, or neuer. Bee you in theParke about midnight, at Hernes-Oake, and you shallsee wonders

Ford. Went you not to her yesterday (Sir) as you toldme you had appointed? Fal. I went to her (Master Broome) as you see, like apoore-old-man, but I came from her (Master Broome)like a poore-old-woman; that same knaue (Ford hir husband)hath the finest mad diuell of iealousie in him (MasterBroome) that euer gouern'd Frensie. I will tell you,he beate me greeuously, in the shape of a woman: (for inthe shape of Man (Master Broome) I feare not Goliathwith a Weauers beame, because I know also, life is aShuttle) I am in hast, go along with mee, Ile tell you all(Master Broome:) since I pluckt Geese, plaide Trewant,and whipt Top, I knew not what 'twas to be beaten, tilllately. Follow mee, Ile tell you strange things of thisknaue Ford, on whom to night I will be reuenged, and Iwill deliuer his wife into your hand. Follow, straungethings in hand (M[aster]. Broome) follow.

Exeunt.

Scena Secunda.

Enter Page, Shallow, Slender.

Page. Come, come: wee'll couch i'th Castle-ditch,till we see the light of our Fairies. Remember son Slender,my Slen. I forsooth, I haue spoke with her, & we hauea nay-word, how to know one another. I come to herin white, and cry Mum; she cries Budget, and by thatwe know one another

Shal. That's good too: But what needes either yourMum, or her Budget? The white will decipher her wellenough. It hath strooke ten a' clocke

Page. The night is darke, Light and Spirits will becomeit wel: Heauen prosper our sport. No man meanseuill but the deuill, and we shal know him by his hornes.Lets away: follow me.

Exeunt.

Scena Tertia.

Enter Mist.Page, Mist.Ford, Caius.

Mist.Page. Mr Doctor, my daughter is in green, whenyou see your time, take her by the hand, away with herto the Deanerie, and dispatch it quickly: go before intothe Parke: we two must go together

Cai. I know vat I haue to do, adieu

Mist.Page. Fare you well (Sir:) my husband will notreioyce so much at the abuse of Falstaffe, as he will chafeat the Doctors marrying my daughter: But 'tis no matter;better a little chiding, then a great deale of heartbreake

Mist.Ford. Where is Nan now? and her troop of Fairies?and the Welch-deuill Herne? Mist.Page. They are all couch'd in a pit hard by HernesOake, with obscur'd Lights; which at the very instantof Falstaffes and our meeting, they will at once display tothe night

Mist.Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him

Mist.Page. If he be not amaz'd he will be mock'd: Ifhe be amaz'd, he will euery way be mock'd

Mist.Ford. Wee'll betray him finely

   Mist.Page. Against such Lewdsters, and their lechery,
Those that betray them, do no treachery

   Mist.Ford. The houre drawes-on: to the Oake, to the
Oake.

Exeunt.

Scena Quarta.

Enter Euans and Fairies.

Euans. Trib, trib Fairies: Come, and remember yourparts: be pold (I pray you) follow me into the pit, andwhen I giue the watch-'ords, do as I pid you: Come,come, trib, trib.

Exeunt.

Scena Quinta.

Enter Falstaffe, Mistris Page, Mistris Ford, Euans, Anne Page,
Fairies,
Page, Ford, Quickly, Slender, Fenton, Caius, Pistoll.

Fal. The Windsor-bell hath stroke twelue: the Minutedrawes-on: Now the hot-bloodied-Gods assist me:Remember Ioue, thou was't a Bull for thy Europa, Loueset on thy hornes. O powerfull Loue, that in some respectsmakes a Beast a Man: in som other, a Man a beast.You were also (Iupiter) a Swan, for the loue of Leda: Oomnipotent Loue, how nere the God drew to the complexionof a Goose: a fault done first in the forme of abeast, (O Ioue, a beastly fault:) and then another fault,in the semblance of a Fowle, thinke on't (Ioue) a fowle-fault.When Gods haue hot backes, what shall pooremen do? For me, I am heere a Windsor Stagge, and thefattest (I thinke) i'th Forrest. Send me a coole rut-time(Ioue) or who can blame me to pisse my Tallow? Whocomes heere? my Doe? M.Ford. Sir Iohn? Art thou there (my Deere?)My male-Deere? Fal. My Doe, with the blacke Scut? Let the skieraine Potatoes: let it thunder, to the tune of Greenesleeues,haile-kissing Comfits, and snow Eringoes: Letthere come a tempest of prouocation, I will shelter meeheere

M.Ford. Mistris Page is come with me (sweet hart.) Fal. Diuide me like a brib'd-Bucke, each a Haunch:I will keepe my sides to my selfe, my shoulders for thefellow of this walke; and my hornes I bequeath yourhusbands. Am I a Woodman, ha? Speake I like Hernethe Hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience,he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome

   M.Page. Alas, what noise?
  M.Ford. Heauen forgiue our sinnes

   Fal. What should this be?
  M.Ford. M.Page. Away, away

   Fal. I thinke the diuell wil not haue me damn'd,
Least the oyle that's in me should set hell on fire;
He would neuer else crosse me thus.

Enter Fairies.

  Qui. Fairies blacke, gray, greene, and white,
You Moone-shine reuellers, and shades of night.
You Orphan heires of fixed destiny,
Attend your office, and your quality.
Crier Hob-goblyn, make the Fairy Oyes

   Pist. Elues, list your names: Silence you aiery toyes.
Cricket, to Windsor-chimnies shalt thou leape;
Where fires thou find'st vnrak'd, and hearths vnswept,
There pinch the Maids as blew as Bill-berry,
Our radiant Queene, hates Sluts, and Sluttery

   Fal. They are Fairies, he that speaks to them shall die,
Ile winke, and couch: No man their workes must eie

   Eu. Wher's Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid
That ere she sleepe has thrice her prayers said,
Raise vp the Organs of her fantasie,
Sleepe she as sound as carelesse infancie,
But those as sleepe, and thinke not on their sins,
Pinch them armes, legs, backes, shoulders, sides, & shins

   Qu. About, about:
Search Windsor Castle (Elues) within, and out.
Strew good lucke (Ouphes) on euery sacred roome,
That it may stand till the perpetuall doome,
In state as wholsome, as in state 'tis fit,
Worthy the Owner, and the Owner it.
The seuerall Chaires of Order, looke you scowre
With iuyce of Balme; and euery precious flowre,
Each faire Instalment, Coate, and seu'rall Crest,
With loyall Blazon, euermore be blest.
And Nightly-meadow-Fairies, looke you sing
Like to the Garters-Compasse, in a ring
Th' expressure that it beares: Greene let it be,
More fertile-fresh then all the Field to see:
And, Hony Soit Qui Maly-Pence, write
In Emrold-tuffes, Flowres purple, blew, and white,
Like Saphire-pearle, and rich embroiderie,
Buckled below faire Knight-hoods bending knee;
Fairies vse Flowres for their characterie.
Away, disperse: But till 'tis one a clocke,
Our Dance of Custome, round about the Oke
Of Herne the Hunter, let vs not forget

   Euan. Pray you lock hand in hand: your selues in order set:
And twenty glow-wormes shall our Lanthornes bee
To guide our Measure round about the Tree.
But stay, I smell a man of middle earth

   Fal. Heauens defend me from that Welsh Fairy,
Least he transforme me to a peece of Cheese

   Pist. Vilde worme, thou wast ore-look'd euen in thy
birth

   Qu. With Triall-fire touch me his finger end:
If he be chaste, the flame will backe descend
And turne him to no paine: but if he start,
It is the flesh of a corrupted hart

Pist. A triall, come

   Eua. Come: will this wood take fire?
  Fal. Oh, oh, oh

   Qui. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire.
About him (Fairies) sing a scornfull rime,
And as you trip, still pinch him to your time.

The Song.

Fie on sinnefull phantasie: Fie on Lust, and Luxurie:
Lust is but a bloudy fire, kindled with vnchaste desire,
Fed in heart whose flames aspire,
As thoughts do blow them higher and higher.
Pinch him (Fairies) mutually: Pinch him for his villanie.
Pinch him, and burne him, and turne him about,
Till Candles, & Star-light, & Moone-shine be out

Page. Nay do not flye, I thinke we haue watcht younow: Will none but Herne the Hunter serue yourturne? M.Page. I pray you come, hold vp the iest no higher.Now (good Sir Iohn) how like you Windsor wiues?See you these husband? Do not these faire yoakesBecome the Forrest better then the Towne? Ford. Now Sir, whose a Cuckold now?Mr Broome, Falstaffes a Knaue, a Cuckoldly knaue,Heere are his hornes Master Broome:And Master Broome, he hath enioyed nothing of Fords,but his Buck-basket, his cudgell, and twenty pounds ofmoney, which must be paid to Mr Broome, his horses arearrested for it, Mr Broome

M.Ford. Sir Iohn, we haue had ill lucke: wee couldneuer meete: I will neuer take you for my Loue againe,but I will alwayes count you my Deere

Fal. I do begin to perceiue that I am made an Asse

Ford. I, and an Oxe too: both the proofes are extant

Fal. And these are not Fairies:I was three or foure times in the thought they were notFairies, and yet the guiltinesse of my minde, the sodainesurprize of my powers, droue the grossenesse of the fopperyinto a receiu'd beleefe, in despight of the teeth ofall rime and reason, that they were Fairies. See nowhow wit may be made a Iacke-a-Lent, when 'tis vpon illimployment

Euans. Sir Iohn Falstaffe, serue Got, and leaue yourdesires, and Fairies will not pinse you

Ford. Well said Fairy Hugh

   Euans. And leaue you your iealouzies too, I pray
you

   Ford. I will neuer mistrust my wife againe, till thou
art able to woo her in good English

Fal. Haue I laid my braine in the Sun, and dri'de it,that it wants matter to preuent so grosse ore-reaching asthis? Am I ridden with a Welch Goate too? Shal I hauea Coxcombe of Frize? Tis time I were choak'd with apeece of toasted Cheese

Eu. Seese is not good to giue putter; your belly is alputter

Fal. Seese, and Putter? Haue I liu'd to stand at thetaunt of one that makes Fritters of English? This is enoughto be the decay of lust and late-walking throughthe Realme

   Mist.Page. Why Sir Iohn, do you thinke though wee
would haue thrust vertue out of our hearts by the head
and shoulders, and haue giuen our selues without scruple
to hell, that euer the deuill could haue made you our
delight?
  Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? A bag of flax?
  Mist.Page. A puft man?
  Page. Old, cold, wither'd, and of intollerable entrailes?
  Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Sathan?
  Page. And as poore as Iob?
  Ford. And as wicked as his wife?
  Euan. And giuen to Fornications, and to Tauernes,
and Sacke, and Wine, and Metheglins, and to drinkings
and swearings, and starings? Pribles and prables?
  Fal. Well, I am your Theame: you haue the start of
me, I am deiected: I am not able to answer the Welch
Flannell, Ignorance it selfe is a plummet ore me, vse me
as you will

Ford. Marry Sir, wee'l bring you to Windsor to oneMr Broome, that you haue cozon'd of money, to whomyou should haue bin a Pander: ouer and aboue that youhaue suffer'd, I thinke, to repay that money will be a bitingaffliction

Page. Yet be cheerefull Knight: thou shalt eat a possetto night at my house, wher I will desire thee to laughat my wife, that now laughes at thee: Tell her Mr Slenderhath married her daughter

   Mist.Page. Doctors doubt that;
If Anne Page be my daughter, she is (by this) Doctour
Caius wife

Slen. Whoa hoe, hoe, Father Page

   Page. Sonne? How now? How now Sonne,
Haue you dispatch'd?
  Slen. Dispatch'd? Ile make the best in Glostershire
know on't: would I were hang'd la, else

Page. Of what sonne? Slen. I came yonder at Eaton to marry Mistris AnnePage, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not benei'th Church, I would haue swing'd him, or hee shouldhaue swing'd me. If I did not thinke it had beene AnnePage, would I might neuer stirre, and 'tis a Post-mastersBoy

Page. Vpon my life then, you tooke the wrong

Slen. What neede you tell me that? I think so, whenI tooke a Boy for a Girle: If I had bene married to him,(for all he was in womans apparrell) I would not hauehad him

Page. Why this is your owne folly,Did not I tell you how you should know my daughter,By her garments? Slen. I went to her in greene, and cried Mum, andshe cride budget, as Anne and I had appointed, and yetit was not Anne, but a Post-masters boy

Mist.Page. Good George be not angry, I knew ofyour purpose: turn'd my daughter into white, and indeedeshe is now with the Doctor at the Deanrie, andthere married

Cai. Ver is Mistris Page: by gar I am cozoned, I hamarried oon Garsoon, a boy; oon pesant, by gar. A boy,it is not An Page, by gar, I am cozened

   M.Page. Why? did you take her in white?
  Cai. I bee gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, Ile raise all
Windsor

   Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne?
  Page. My heart misgiues me, here comes Mr Fenton.
How now Mr Fenton?
  Anne. Pardon good father, good my mother pardon
  Page. Now Mistris:
How chance you went not with Mr Slender?
  M.Page. Why went you not with Mr Doctor, maid?
  Fen. You do amaze her: heare the truth of it,
You would haue married her most shamefully,
Where there was no proportion held in loue:
The truth is, she and I (long since contracted)
Are now so sure that nothing can dissolue vs:
Th' offence is holy, that she hath committed,
And this deceit looses the name of craft,
Of disobedience, or vnduteous title,
Since therein she doth euitate and shun
A thousand irreligious cursed houres
Which forced marriage would haue brought vpon her

   Ford. Stand not amaz'd, here is no remedie:
In Loue, the heauens themselues do guide the state,
Money buyes Lands, and wiues are sold by fate

   Fal. I am glad, though you haue tane a special stand
to strike at me, that your Arrow hath glanc'd

   Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heauen giue thee
ioy, what cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd

   Fal. When night-dogges run, all sorts of Deere are
chac'd

   Mist.Page. Well, I will muse no further: Mr Fenton,
Heauen giue you many, many merry dayes:
Good husband, let vs euery one go home,
And laugh this sport ore by a Countrie fire,
Sir Iohn and all

   Ford. Let it be so (Sir Iohn:)
To Master Broome, you yet shall hold your word,
For he, to night, shall lye with Mistris Ford:

Exeunt.

FINIS.

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